Judge, 1911-11-18 · page 13 of 24
Judge — November 18, 1911 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"Opportunity"** presents the central satire: a personified "Opportunity" knocks at a youth's door, but the lazy young man refuses to answer, claiming it's not his "getting-up time." The accompanying poem (attributed to Senator John J. Ingalls) emphasizes that Opportunity visits only once—those who hesitate lose it forever. The joke mocks youthful laziness and missed chances. **"The Baby"** satirizes competitive parenting through one-upmanship: two fathers boast about their infants' accomplishments, each claim escalating absurdly until the second father casually reveals his "baby" is actually nineteen years old—exposing the ridiculousness of the entire conversation. **Other brief sketches** mock marital excuses ("A Timely Excuse"), social awkwardness ("Not So Obvious"), and domestic economy (the wife collecting trading stamps). The page is primarily humor and social commentary rather than political satire, targeting universal subjects like procrastination, parental pride, and household finances.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Youth—"* Who knocks ?”” Voice outside—"* Opportunity.”” Youth—" Not my getting-up time, yet, old man. The Baby. T WAS a wet day, and, in conse- quence, the guests had to stay in- doors. The young couple started to talk of their baby. “*My baby has just cut his first tooth,’” said the father proudly. “Indeed?’’ said the other. mine cut his long ago.’” “Our baby,’’ said the first, ‘‘is just beginning to talk.’” “Ours,’’ said the only talk, but read.’” **Knows his letters already, does he?’" said the first, with a note of jealousy in his voice. “Well, second, ‘‘cannot said the other. ‘And he can figure like an expert ac- “Oh, yes, indeed countant.’” “Really?” said the first. must be older than mine. your baby?”” “Mother,” said the second, address- ing his wife, “how old is Willie?” “Nineteen,” said mother. “Then he How old is Love Power. by CARLYLE SMITH, F LOVE can make the world go round, No wonder, then, it is That when within the heart he’s found He keeps it on the whiz! Opportunity. By the late Hen, John J. Ingalls, Senator from Kansas ASTER of Human destinies am I! Fame, love, and fortune on my footsteps wait. Cities and fields I walks I penetrate Deserts and seas remote, and passing by Hovel and mart and palace—soon of late I knock unbidden once at every gate! If sleeping, wake-it feasting, rise before L turn away. It is the hour of fate, And they who follow me reach every state Mortals desire, and conquer every foe Save Death; but those who doubt or hesitate Condemned to failure, penury, and woe, Seek me in vain and uselessly implore. T answer not, and I return no more! v A Timely Excuse. HE CLOCK had just struck five when Wigglesworth entered the hou: “This is a fine time of the morning to be coming home!"’ observed Mrs. Wig- glesworth scornfully. “Sorry, my dear, but I thought I'd do my Christmas shopping early, and not a blooming store was open,’’ said Wigglesworth, winking at himself in the mirror. Drop around in about an hour.” Not So Obvious. 6sRY JOVE!”’ said Dubbs, ‘what's the matter with Tommy Rocks? He looked to me as if he were just pin- ing away.”” “Think so?” said Wiggles. ‘Why, I saw him last night, and he didn’t look very spruce to me.’’ a Nothing Doing. DOWNANOUT,”’ said the maid, ‘‘there’s a man at the “ME door with a bil — “‘Indeed?’’ said Downanout. ‘‘Well, just tell him that there’s noth- I have all I want in that Marie, ing doing. line.” Still Saving. wr each purchase at the store, Wifey gets a trading stamp; For a half a million more, She may have a hanging lamp. TH MORE we think of some people, the less we think of them. comicbooks.com