Judge — November 11, 1911 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Opinions of the Court. Stump Questions. HERE isa form of political argument much in use to- day by barn-storming politi- cians of both parties. It con- sists of questions solemnly pro- pounded to statesmen in office. Some of these questions are answered very easily; some have no answer at all. It is all one to the orator, for he takes pains to ask them when his opponent is not present to answer. And if his op- ponent troubles to answer them next day, the audience has by that time scat- tered and has forgotten the questions, and—who cares, anyhow? JupGE pro- pounds the following questions, to be used impressively (free of charge) by any candidate who wishes utterly to silence and humiliate his opponent: 1, Why does not my opponent put criminals in jail? 2. Why doesn’t he raise wages? 3. Why doesn’t he lower prices? 4. Has he left off beating his mother? Yes or No? 5. Why doesn’t he answer me? I defy him! Perish the Thought! THE LADIES are voting at g last in California. Ah, well! So be it. And there, in some San Francisco public school, with her golden ringlets and her glorious west-coast complexion and her twinkling blue eyes and her little, rum- pled pinafore, goes about merrily a po- tential Abe Rueff of the next generation. After all, why not? The idea of a male boss should be much more humiliating to a man of pride than the idea of a female one. He probably accustomed himself long ago to the latter. The married man of that next generation will find that the city hall has become more like home to him. Bosh. HAT an astonishing amount of buncombe we Americans—supposedly an in- telligent people—will swallow when it comes from the lips of a speaker of our own party! We ap- plaud wildly when the orator accuses the opposition of intentional lying, of arson, of stealing candy from babes. And we swell out our chests when he makes promises for our candidate that a god on earth could not fulfill. We are the only patriots! Down with all trait- tors! Hooroo, hooray! Favorite Fakes. RE WE easily bun- combed, or is it perhaps a fact that we just naturally love the tones of Mr. Bun- combe's voice? We, for instance, are always lured by that ever-present an- nouncement—Selling Out Below Cost! We know in our heart of hearts that merchants do not often sell below cost. It isn’t a human habit. Yet in we go. Every small restaurant offers ‘‘Rice and chicken livers,’’ and every patron knows that even the small amount of liver dwelling in the recesses of that dish grew in acow. Yet we order it again. In the same way we are likely to vote into local office next year some florid, well-fed person, who looks us earnestly in the eye and says that his only thought is the interests of the com- mon peepul. Do we accept these and a hundred other fakes because we are all of us fakers, one way or another? Is there a sort of subtle understanding be- tween us all, which says, ‘‘You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours.’’ You goon and act as though you believe me, and I'll act as though I believe you. So will there be peace in the land. Bosco! He Eats ‘Em Alive! HE New York World is con- tinually clamoring for Mr. Taft to put some trust mag- nates into jail. What mag- nates? Any magnates. What. Any jail. Such a bloodthirsty Woof! Throw it some jail? newspaper! raw meat! Our Foreign News. T IS reported from Mexico that there has been a re- cent uprising in Tabasco. Probably fermented and blew out the cork. Jupce learns by private cable that the insurgents in Cayenne are getting peppery, there are grounds for disturbance in Mocha and Java, and the common people of Chili and Worcester- shire are more saucy than ever. Well, well, this is a spicy world! In Our Humble Opinion. AMONG the big cities, Bos- ton has the dirtiest streets and the most courteous street- car employes. New York has the cleanest streets and the most dis- courteous conductors. Why this is thus, JupGE does not know. But it would be beyond even Boston endurance to have to wade over one of those street cross- ings to meet a car, and then be received with insult, The wind is tempered to the shorn lamb. Give Hunnewell a Square Deal. OMEN have had munici- pal suffrage in Kansas since 1887, The electors of the town of Hunnewell, at the latest election held there, chose a woman for mayor. So far as known, this woman is of honorable pri- vate life and she appears to be public- spirited enough to give her town, which has seven thousand inhabitants, a decent sort of government. The Hunnewell council is composed entirely of men and its members have been nagging the woman mayor from the beginning of her term. Their conduct is an affront to the woman and an insult to the voters who elected her. In turning the town gov- ernment topsy-turvy, these councilmen, while they may have embarrassed the woman mayor, have rendered themselves odious throughout their State and throughout the country. Worthy of Clemency. WHEN a doctor in Pittsburgh was arrested for stealing a horse, he pleaded that he took the animal to go to Chicago. Before this plea is accepted in mitigation of punishment, the authori- ties ought to learn the physician’s pur- pose in desiring to go to Chi- cago and to leave Pittsburgh. If it was to lead a better life, clemency might be justi- fied. . comicbooks.com