Judge, 1911-09-30 · page 16 of 23
Judge — September 30, 1911 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"Missed the Goal"** jokes about a man losing money not through gambling, but by proposing to a wealthy woman ("Miss Manybucks") who rejected him—satirizing how courtship of the rich could be financially costly. **"The Age of Miracles"** is a series of short quips suggesting modern miracles still exist: a woman buying cheaper goods, trains running on time, finding money, getting heat from a janitor, eating well, selling art, and politicians not attacking character. The satire mocks everyday improbabilities treated as miraculous. **"Soft-soap Suds"** uses soap metaphorically to critique social hypocrisy—"soft soap" meaning flattery or deception, comparing it to sophistry and dishonesty. The remaining pieces ("Talks Loud," "Prevalent Phrase," "Joke," "A Sliding Scale") are brief witticisms about money, manners, humor, and shoe sizing—typical period humor without specific political reference. The cartoons illustrate these verbal jokes straightforwardly. This is general-interest satirical content rather than political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
\ | MISSED THE GOAL. Hareld—"' I just lost five thousand dollars at the football game."’ Gerald—"* Great Scott, man! Harold—" Oh, I didn't lose it that way. Isn't that a lot to play on a ball game?" You see, I took Miss Manybucks to the game and proposed to her, but she rejected me.'” The Age of Miracles. 'S THE age of miracles past?”’ was asked. Replied the milliner: ‘‘Indeed, no; a woman came to my store yesterday and bought the cheaper of two hats.’” Shouted the suburbanite: ‘‘No; train was on time to-day.”’ my TALKS LOUD. “ Money talks, you know."” “Yes, I know; I married money.” Answered the newspaper writer: ‘‘I guess not; I’ve got a quarter in my pocket from yesterday's envelope."’ Whispered the flatdweller: ‘‘It seems not, for the janitor is turning on my heat in time.’’ Said the poet: ‘‘By no means; I have dined to-day.”” Voiced the painter: ‘‘Hardly; I’ve just sold a sketch. Cried the politician: ‘‘It can’t have; my opponents haven't printed anything against my personal character.”’ Grunted the reader: ‘‘It has not; the weather predictions in this morning’s paper proved correct.’’ And so it went on. Nearly every one nowadays still believes in the possibility of miracles. Soft-soap Suds. VERY bubble holds a rain- bow. Soft soap and sophistry are first cousins. It isn’t always the best soap that makes the most suds. It makes a lot of difference whether you spell it I-i-e or l-y-e. Soft soap taketh away the dirt, but a drop in the eye stir- reth up trouble. It takes grease to make good soap, and it takes soap to wash out grease. The man who does the world’s work doesn’t object to a little grit in his soap. Lids Keck Wigeins. ONG birds of a feather sing together. Prevalent Phrase. Since autumn breezes cooler blow, How can a fellow fail to hear— Unsweetened by a ‘‘please,’’ you know— That phrase invented long ago To reach the erring brother's ear? How hear it not, I say again, Especially since summer's o'er? Displeasure oft it soundeth, when On business bent one goes before— Oh, that harsh phrase by many men Right loudly shouted, * ag —Charler C. Jones JOKE and the world jokes with you; Knock, and it lets you alone. “Wievey Fearn A SLIDING SCALE. “* What size do you wear, aunty ?"” “ "Deed, man, I don't perzactly know. Sixes is mah numbah, but sebens nearly kills me. an’ I nearly always buys ‘lebens.”” comicbooks.com