Judge — September 23, 1911 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Hero Worship. By McLANDBURGH WILSON. ‘AME a hero from the sea, Flushed with naval victory; But we very soon grew vexed, And we loudly hollered, ‘‘Next!"’ Came a hero from the land, Swelled his head, to beat the band; Seven years we bowed, perplexed, Then we firmly hollered, ‘‘Next!"’ Now come heroes of the air, Flying for us everywhere. When we turn, this is our text, Where shal! heroescome from next? This Busy Life. «6-H, IT’S you, is it?’ murmurs the wife, meeting her hus- band at the reception. “Yes, Glad to see you,’? he smiles. ‘‘Had half an idea I'd run across you here.’” “Isn't it nice? Oh, there was something I wanted to ask you about—I thought of it just after I saw you at the theater the last time,” she says. ‘‘It was some- thing important, too. But it has entirely slipped my mind.” * “Well, maybe you'll think of it by the next time we meet. I suppose you'll be at the horse show. Perhaps by then it will have occurred to you again.” The Boss of the House. «¢QUT, MADAM,” says the surgeon, after the woman has recovered consciousness in the hospital, ‘‘why didn’t you stop when the crossing police- man held up his hand? Then you would- n't have been struck by the automobile.’’ “‘What! Me stop when Jim Meginnis holds up his hand? I'd let you know I'm his wife, an’ he never saw the day when he could boss me!’” MERELY A POLITICAL SPEECH. LA SOMNAMBULA. * Ever been in Philadelphia ?"* “Yes; I spent three days there one Sunday." Suds Test for Co-Eds. By GRACE Me KINSTRY. CoLumBIA, Mo.—Beginoing Feb. 1. every young wo- ‘man in the home economics department of the University of Missouri mast toll up ber sleeves and work over a ‘washtub. It is the aim of the university to teach the effect the starch, bluing, and other chemicals bave on clothing. H, DEAR me, suds! mean? Missouri shows us here A plan so new and clear and clean To teach co-eds this year. What will suds to their manners do? One really wonders if The bluing may not make them blue, While starch will make them stiff. What does this A Strong Brew. I" IS rumored along Piccadilly*that a special extra of Punch will shortly be issued to announce that the reason why the average clock has to live on tick is that it spends so much of its time on strike. We are willing to print this news for the benefit of our readers, but the remainder of the dispatch, referring to Mr. Punch's intention to refer to the House of Lords as the last stand of the Disappeerage, we respectfully decline to make public. “ FASHION note says that tan shoes are much worn.’’ “I must be right in style then; mine are. Explained. THe EDITOR was mighty blue. The reason? Well, it’s said, In confidence I say to you, His paper wasn’t red. Useless. Visitor —‘‘I see your Senator made his maiden speech yester- day.” Native—‘Yep; andyoucan just bet he'll never get elected from here again. Any man that gets up in Congress and spends his time talking about maidens has got the girls too heavy on the brain to get any more support from us.’” Observe Her Eyes. F YOU watch the flirty maiden, You will right away be shown That every meaning has a little Movement all its own. Unsettled. Anxious waiter—‘ Will you pay now, sir?’’ Indifferent guest —‘‘Not just now. Won't you wait until my dinner settles Anzious waiter—‘You can just bet I won't! I shall wait here until you settle.” WHAT THEY THINK OF US. Silas—'* These here avyators is certainly goin’ fram bad ta worse."” Hiram —"" How d’ you make that out, Si?”” Silas —“* Wa-al, don't th’ papers ‘say this flight is fram Nu York t’ Chicago?” comicbooks.com