Judge, 1911-09-09 · page 9 of 24
Judge — September 9, 1911 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page presents a humorous domestic narrative about Mr. Gimp, an amateur handyman attempting to repair a leaky faucet. The story satirizes the overconfidence and persistence of do-it-yourselfers who lack actual plumbing knowledge. The joke: Gimp assumes the problem is simple (a worn washer) but, finding the washer in good condition, proceeds with destructive guesswork. He damages the faucet and bathroom attempting to disassemble it, then arbitrarily swaps the washer without diagnosing the real issue. When he finally reconnects the water, a powerful stream shoots directly at him, and he futilely attempts to "grapple" with flowing water in comedic fashion. The cartoon strip at top ("SCHOOL AGAIN!") shows children fleeing back to school, likely referencing post-summer chaos. The satire targets the American male's stubborn determination to "fix it himself" despite incompetence—a common Judge theme mocking masculine pride and ignorance masquerading as competence.
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it out again. He wrinkled his brow. “Humph!’ Mr. Gimp had expected this to be a simple job. He had expected to find the washer broken and wrecked. He had a simple theory. The washer would be mashed and cracked, therefore the leak in the faucet. Instead of this the washer seemed in good condition. He poked into the faucet and ran his finger around in it, accumulating iron rust on it. If the washer was not broken what could be the matter with the thing? He took the washer off the plunger rod and studied it in that condition. There must be something the matter deeper down. He set his pipe wrench around the pipe and grasped the faucet with the monkey wrench. ‘Tse faucet held like grim death. But Mr. Gimp was a man who loved opposition. The more he was op- posed the more decided he became, and he pushed and pulled and grunted and ,Perspired and said strong words and tugged. When the faucet gave at last, it gave suddenly, and Mr. Gimp fell over the side of the bathtub and landed with a bump that shook the house. He was up again ina minute and in the bathtub. The faucet was badly marred where the wrench had dug into its soft brass and the nose of it was twisted awry and a large chip of porce- lain was broken off the bottom of the tub where the wrench had dropped, but the fau- cet was off. “Now!’’ said Mr. Gimp. He took the faucet to the window and studied it. Except for the damage he had Aviator—* Thanks, old scout ! SCHOOL AGAIN! done it there seemed nothing the matter with it. In fact there did not seem any possible thing that could be the matter with it. Now that the plunger and washer were out of it, it had no interior mechanism at all. It was just plain fau- cet. Mr. Gimp, in the better light from the window, fitted the plunger and wash- er back into the faucet. “Some fool plumber,’’ said Mr. Gimp angrily, “has put the wrong sort of washer into this faucet. That’s what’s the matter, and that's all that can be the matter. Now!"’ He picked out a different sort of washer at random and put it on the plunger. It was not a good fit, but it was a change, anyway. “Now!’’ said Mr. Gimp, and he climbed back into the bathtub. He humped himself down on his knees and looked into the water pipe on which he had to screw the faucet. ‘‘Now!’’ he said. As if that had been the signal, a strong, vigorous stream of water shot IN THE FALL SEASON. I 've been up here three hours."” out of th pipe and struck Mr. Gimp in the eye. He gasped for breath and tumbled backward, but the stream pur- sued him. He got up and grappled with the stream, Unless you have tried to grapple with a stream like that you cannot even faintly imagine the difficulty of giving it a good, self-satisfying grapple. A stream like that will not fight fair. If you put your hand over the pipe the stream will squirt out in forty-two di- rections. Some of them hit the ceiling. Most of them hit Mr. Gimp. He wrestled silently until the bathroom was well soaked and he was well soaked, and then he decided it was better to fust let the stream spurt. It spurted into the bathtub, anyway. So he got out of the tub and dripped on the floor and pawed water out of his hair and wiped water out of his eyes. And just then the plumber came up- stairs again. He had been down cellar to turn on the water after he had fixed the faucet, and it was quite natural that he should come up again toseeif the fau- cet was well fixed. So he came up, and he looked into the bathroom, and he saw the faucet lying in the bathtub among wrenches and water, and he saw the water spurting heartily. And all he said was, ‘Well, I'll be durned!"" Just like that— “Well, I'll be dur- ned!’? That was all he said. NE swallow does not make a summer, but any old toad can make a spring. comicbooks.com