Judge — August 26, 1911 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The ‘Fraid Cats. By TUDOR JENKS. OW long ago, when our remotest ancestors Dwelt in darksome cavernsand dressed in skins and furs, Now and then some bright and really clever personage Would hit on a way to make some slight improvement. Then would be heard the chorus of the ’Fraid Cats: “Oh, do beware of what is new and dangerous! Folks who seek to change things must be perverse. Don’t try innovations—they’re so bad for business! If things are bad, they might be so much worse!’’ Still we made slow progress—houses replaced caverns, Cloth displaced the ragged pelts, kind learned some cookery, Crops were sown and gathered, we lost some superstitions. Life was somewhat brighter, war be- came less frequent, Women were not chattels among the kindlier nations— But still were heard the chanting all in chorus: man- 'Fraid Cats “Oh, do beware of what is new and dangerous! Folks who seek to change things must be perverse. Don’t try innovations—they’re so bad for business! If things are bad, they might be so much worse!’’ To-day we have the telephone, ice cream, and autocars; Brown—" WHY 18 IT YOU ALWAYS CARRY TWo waTcHeEs?” White—* WeLt., 1 NEED ONE TO TELL HOW PAR OFF THE OTHER ONE 18.” Waerver First bather—“ MY, BUT YOU ARE A siGut!” Second bather—“ NOT ANY MOKE THAN YOU ARE.” Both (ANGRILY)—“ WHERE DO YOU SUPPOSE WE COULD FIND THE ARTIST WHO MADE US?” Some reckless creatures are learning how to fly. We have a firmish grip on several use- ful sciences That promise to make living distinctly more worth while. There’s only one unchanging fact we never shail get rid of— Those loudly wailing ’Fraid Cats and their never-ceasing cry: “Oh, do beware of what is new and dangerous! Folks who seek to change things must be perverse. Don’t try innovations—they’re so bad for business! If things are bad, they might be so much worse !’’ We Are All Alike. Shaw—'‘Been fishing yet?”’ Haw—‘No. Why on earth a man wants to sit on a bank for four or five hours on the expectation of an uncer- tainty happening beats me.”” Shaw—''Going home now?”’ Haw—'‘Yes. I've been standing here all morning waiting to see them put that bowlder in place on the fourteenth story up there, but I guess there’s nothing doing.’” Conditions Reversed. AMES ADOLPH CODY, an infant of two years of age, weighs one hun- dred and twenty-two pounds, has a four- teen-inch neck, a thirty-three-inch bust and a thirty-six-inch waist. His father is said to be very proud of him, but wait a few years and see what papa will say when Jimmie’s Buster Brown gar- ments are cut down for father! Squeezed. Tim—' Say, Jim, what’s the differ- ence between a soldier, young ladies, and an Italian fruit stand?”’ Jim—I don’t know. Give it up. What's the answer?”” Tim—‘‘The soldier faces powder, and young ladies powder faces."” Jim—‘Yes; but where does the Ital- ian fruit stand come in?”’ Tim—‘‘Oh, that’s where you get your lemon.’" THe upright piano doesn’t always have that kind of a performer. “AND WHERE’3 THE GARDENER WHO USED TO WORK HERE?” “ DEAD, SIR.” EAD! JOINED THE GREAT MAJORITY, EH?” L1., $18, 1 WOULDN'T LIKE TO SAY THAT. HE WAS A GOOD ENOUGH MAN, AS PAR ASI KNOW.” comicbooks.com