Judge — August 19, 1911 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE PLACE TO GET HIS GRIT. “« T don't believe George will ever muster up courage to propose to me. “* Take him down to the beach, dear. «THIS transfer check is three days old, madam,” said the Brooklyn car conductor to the portly and resolute lady who appeared equal to any sort of physical warfare or prolonged combat of words. “‘What!"’ she said, in a voice of the two-edged sort variety. “This transfer ain’t no good, lady. It’s three days old.’” “Oh, itis, uh? Well, that ain't nothin’ to me if it’s older’n Noah an’ the ark. It was give to me by the transfer man an’ I’’—— “(He never give it to you to- day, and I tell you that’’—-— “*T don’t care what you tell me,’’ she retorted, sitting back comfort- ably on enough of the seat for three ordinary passengers to occupy. “T ain’t responsible for the mis- takes the employes on this here road makes, an’ if you think you kin bulldoze me into payin’ two fares when I ain’t no right to pay but one, you have bumped up agin the wronglady. Things is come to a purty pass when a lady has to set here an’ be sassed an’ tried to be forced to pay two fares because this road ain’t got men on it intelligent enough to give out the right trans- fer check to a lady, an’ if you think that— Whatisthat? Inever got that check to-day? All I gotto say is that if my husband or one 0’ my other relatives of the male sect was here you'd never as good as call me a thief an’ a liar right in A STREAK OF LUCK. By J. 1. HARBOUR. ‘the public eye,’ as the sayin’ is. If any of ’em was here, you'd need a piece o’ raw pork on your own eye to-night to take out the blackness an’ the swellin’, for I can tell you that’’—— “I tell you I can’t accept this three- days’-old check for’’—— “Can’t, uh? Sorry for you, for it’s all you'll git from me, for I’m one that never goes back on her word, not even to 'blige any one so high up in public SNS ILLUSTRATED SLANG PHRASES. He'll have enough sand there. office as a street-car conductor on fifteen a week for seven days’ work an’ what he kin swipe by blackmailin’ lady passen- gers into payin’ two fares for one, which I ain’t a lady to be roped in in that way, havin’ cut my eyeteeth years ago when it comes to. the tricks 0’ car conductors, an’ I— You ain’t got no more time to fool with me, uh? Glad to hear it, for now mebbe you'll go off an’ ’tend to your bizness o’ tryin’ to scare some other lady into payin’ two fares for one, so that you will have an extry fi’ cents to blow in for a see- gar or a ginger pop if you don’t care for beer. I ain’t so pushed for time as you are an’ I kin set here an’ converse with you all the way to Bleecker Street an’ not re- peat myself once like you been try- in’ to repeat the carfare-collectin’ stunt on me only to git ‘foiled ag’in,’ as the villain says in the ten-cent drammy at the Grand Op’- ry House. Sorry you’re so rushed for time, for I got a lot more I'd like to say to you—enough to last all the way to Bleecker Street.’’ It lasted all the way to Bleecker Street and when she left the car she said to herself, with calm com- placency, “‘Fi’ cents to the good jess for havin’ forethought enough to look through my husband’s pockets yes- terday mornin’ before he got up. That means an ice-cream sody for me when I git uptown. It’s me for good luck!’” comicbooks.com