Judge — August 12, 1911 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

New York Mania. N THIS point there is no doubt: There is a goodly body of people, of both sexes and fully grown, who have thoroughly convinced themselves that they cannot do without New York, People who know that it costs more to live on that mad little, sad little, con- fused little island, but who believe that it is worth the cost with interest, People who feel they cannot forego the little conversations and discussions and concerts and performances and alacartes and tabled’hotes which come along in a ceaseless swarm, People who think that if all the foolish folk can be gathered to- gether in one place, the kind of foolishness they concoct will there- by become the wisdom of the age, People who, like moths, flit about the flames of poetry, art, music, psychics, sociology, and other emotional pastimes, and think themselves much more so- phisticated than the ‘‘hewers of wood and drawers of water,”” People who crave the feverish clangings and honk-honkings and toot-tootings and train-catchings and market-openings, unable to sleep except in noisy streets, un- able to eat except in noisy cafes, unable to do business except in noisy marts, People who act and talk and strut and brag and boast and patronize, for all the world asif they thought such a mess was a high order of civilization. Corn Is King. HEN the United States has a coronation, corn will be crowned king. Argentina has been spoken of as rival in the produc- tion of corn. True, it is second to the United States; but it raises no more than the State of Indiana. The value of our corn crop last year was ten times that of the gold product of South Africa and three hundred times that of Alaska’s gold. The corn product last year sold for enough money to pay for the duplication of the entire railroad system of the country, including termi- nals. This year’s crop will bring more money. Therefore, we give royal hon- ors to corn. What is the matter with Kansas that it does not raise more corn and less of something else ? “Pity ‘Tis, ‘Tis True.” INNIE LEWIS, of Des Moines, Ia., is saluted as the youngest July bride in the land, as she is but twelve years of age. It is hoped that the claim made in her behalf is true. A TWO-BAGGER. Caustic Comment. GOVERNOR WIL- SON, who itches to be the Democratic candidate for Presi- dent, is abroad in the land telling ‘*the com- mon people’* how he forced a reluctant Legislature to pass measures of reform that he favored. Governor Harmon, of Ohio, whose aspi- rations are identical, is remaining at home and is sending out tidings that he is as much of a reformer as Dr. Wilson, but that a Legislature controlled by his own party has been bribed to refuse to pass the bills that he favored. New Jersey people are learning that all that glitters is not gold and that some of Governor Wilson’s reform legis- lation is causing them trouble. If Governor Harmon sends a dozen or so Ohio legislators to prison, he will get as much advertising as Governor Wilson is securing. * Probably Ollie James will be the next Senator from Kentucky. Senator Paynter, whose term is soon to expire, is as much of a Democrat mentally as Mr. James, but he does not weigh so much nor tower so high. Mr. James is more than six feet in height, and if he shall be elected will be the biggest man physically in the Sen- ate. He hasa voice, too—one that rivals Bailey's. In other respects Mr. James may find himself out- classed. He has been in the House of Representatives for several years and he distinguished himself on but one occasion—when he kicked in a door. Really, Ken- tucky ought to do better! * The decision of the New York Supreme Court that a bill collector must use the dumb waiter in an apartment house as his only means of collecting a bill from a delin- quent affords only partial relief to those who do not care to make pay- ments. Some apartment houses have no dumb waiters. Silas = comicbooks.com