Judge, 1911-07-08 · page 9 of 24
Judge — July 8, 1911 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century satirical magazines: **"The Real Thing"** mocks tourists seeking the "Wild West," with a porter suggesting they're already in it—likely commentary on the mythologizing of the American frontier. **"A Woman's Way"** presents a domestic puzzle where a husband's logical reasoning backfires: answering "no" to remarriage makes his wife think he's tired of marriage, not that he loves her. **"The Cautious Tailor"** plays on a creditor's anxiety about an employee's upcoming marriage, demanding payment in gold rather than trusting future wages. **"Transplanted"** satirizes a village girl who becomes a chorus girl, questioning how she can wear revealing stage costumes after her modest upbringing. **"In the Land of the Free"** contains dark social commentary: a cynic quips that Reno (known for divorce) is where "society goes through the separator"—implying divorce mills process the wealthy. **"Followed Instructions"** offers rural-urban humor: a farmer drives his horse on the sidewalk, claiming he's obeying a sign reading "Keep horses on a walk."
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE REAL THING. Tourist (to parlor-car porter) —"' Say, when will we get to the real Wild West ?"” Porter—"* This is the very middle of it, lady. A Woman's Way. By EUGENE C. DOLSON “¢YX7JOULD you marry again if I Wi should die?"’ ‘Twas a puzzle, indeed, the young man deemed, And he waited to think; for it some- how seemed That to please her now he must surely try. And this is the way he reasoned it out: “If Lanswer ‘Yes,’ she will always doubt My loving her still, it is plain to see.”” And he answered ‘‘No”’ accordingly. But he couldn’t have managed the mat- ter worse, For her logic followed another course: “If he never would take a second wife, He is certainly tired of married life.” She turned away and began to cry— And he wonders yet the reason why. The Cautious Tailor. «<¢\JOW LOOK here, Snipperton,’’ pleaded Hackley, ‘‘why can’t you be patient with this old bill of yours? I’m going to be married in the fall to a girl who’s worth her weight in gold.” “That’s all right, Mr. Hackley,’’ re- turned Snipperton; ‘‘but is she going to be worth my wait in gold? How much does she weigh?” A NECESSARY ELEMENT. Boy—' Say, mister, may I climb up on your shoulders to start my kite flying. There sin't no wind down here.’’ That 's the big chief smoking a stogie.”” Transplanted. H, ONCE she was a modest maid And dwelt within a village, And all she knew about the world Was cows and cream and tillage. But by and by she caught the craze For acting, singing, dancing; And now she is a chorus girl, Before the footlights prancing. She was so shy and modest then, ‘And everybody knew it; But now she wears such costumes scant-- How can she bear to do it? Jee Cone, In the Land of the Free. a i OUR country, where can one really find the cream of society?” asked Miss Blase. “In Reno, of course, where society goes through the separator,’’ replied the cynic acridly. Followed Instructions. Policeman—‘‘See here! What do you mean by driving your horse up over the walk like this?” Uncle Eben—‘‘Confound you city fel- lers! I'm just obeying your blamed oli! sign here—‘ Keep horses on a walk.’ comicbooks.com