Judge, 1911-07-08 · page 5 of 24
Judge — July 8, 1911 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct pieces: 1. **"The Wicked, Wicked Customer"** — A poem by Edmund Vance Cooke about a customer named Sue who returns goods to a shop, causing chaos. It's a humorous narrative about retail problems. 2. **"Not the Usual Sort"** — An editorial note about an opera house panic when actors experienced stage fright, with commentary on how "no house is large enough to hold all the noise one piano makes." 3. **A glossary section** defining abbreviations used in Judge magazine (V for "Vacation," A for "Ads," etc.). 4. **"Mother-Love"** — A humorous illustration showing a calf being called by its mother, with the caption: "Victim (who has been lossed by cow with call)—'Rotten sentimentally I call it!'" These are light, domestic humor pieces typical of Judge's early satirical content.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Terrible Tale of Somnambulist Sue. the Ornamental Order-taker. By EDMUND VANCE COOKE. NE DAY a wicked customer Rushed in to Sleeping Sue, And Susan looked straight over her, As she was wont to do. The customer gave one quick look, Then reached up to the shelf; She seized the goods and Susan’s book And charged them to herself. And worse, far worse! within her fist She seized the carrier-cup, And, ere poor Susan could resist, She sent the check slip up. Then Susan woke and Susan wept, But all to no avail; The deed was done, for, while she slept, Poor Suse had made a sale! The Wicked, Wicked Customer. i a Victim (who has been tossed by cow with calf)—-'‘Rotten sentimentality I call it!"" Not the Usual Sort. ewrars this I hear about a panic up at the Opera House last night?” asked the editor of the Bugle- Blast. “Yes, there was one,’’ said the cub reporter, ‘‘There was to have been an amateur theatrical performance there, and every blessed actor in the bunch got an attack of stage fright and skinned out the back door. The audience had to be dismissed without a performance.”” ‘0 HOUSE is large enough to hold all the noise one piano makes. PND YIP Ye iY Ke ter sf MOTHER-LOVE, The Time Is Approaching When V stands for ‘‘Vacation’’ and ‘‘Vanish- ing ‘V's. A stands for ‘‘Attractive Ads’’ one always sees. C stands for ‘‘Coin’’ or for “*Cash’’— it won’t matter, A stands for ‘‘All'’ we can use of the latter. T stands for ‘‘Trunks’’ and for ‘‘Tick- ets,’’ let's say. 1 stands for ‘‘Impatient’’ to be up and away. O stands for ‘‘Over.’” claim, N stands for ‘‘No’’ place like home, just the same! So quickly, we — Elizabeth Penn Thorne comicbooks.com