Judge — June 24, 1911 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WARRANTED FAST BLACK. Reflections of Uncle Ezra. By ROY K. MOULTON certainly an ongrateful Just as soon as a feller dies, his relatives all rush to the news- paper and put in a card of thanks. You kin always tell a married woman, but, by ginger! you can’t tell her very Tas is Id. wor! much. Old Luke Bib! hear a word that you want him to. My Castle in the Air. By WILLIAM J. BURTSCHER I BUILT me a castle in the air And an aeroplane to get up there. I stood at the gate and looked around, And, lo! every foot of fence was down, I stepped inside, and, oh, drat the luck! Not an inch of the lawn had been cut. I looked ahead and fell in a faint— The castle had seen not a speck of paint! I came to the door—what did I see? Nothing! I had forgotten the key. State. “We can give you Steamship agent a good stateroom. Mrs. — Richquicke—'*Goodness, no! That's too provincial for people of our standing! Can't you give us a national room ?"" s so deef he can’t ns. Thought Horse Was “Next.” T WAS hot afternoon and the blooded steed that stood hitched in front of a tonsorial establishment was covered with foam. When the owner approached he was surprised to observe a small boy gazing fixedly at the horse. “Well, son,’’ questioned the rider, “‘what are you standing here for?”’ “Please, sir,’’ replied the lad, ‘‘I am waiting to see the barber come out and shave him.”’ A Possibility. Mazie (at the concert)—'' Wonder why those violinists wear their hair so long. . Dazie—‘Why, I suppose they make their bows out of it."" And They s A Wise Girl. By J. WILEY OWEN. "THERE was a girl in our town, And she was wondrous wise; She jumped into society And scratched out both her i's. When people saw her i’s were out were in their places, ed her with a love devout And held her in their graces. Worked It to a “T.” ALL WOOL AND A YARD WIDE. + HE HOBO filled his glass from the water cooler in the country depot, took a big swallow, and exclaimed, “Whew! warm as all get out!” He turned to the agent. ‘What's the matter with your ice?’’ “We never have any ice here,’’ ex- plained he. During the next half hour, while the agent had his back turned, the tramp mutilated every placard posted in the waiting - room. The next day the agent was surprised to observe that every card an- nounced at the top, “No ice.’’ The tramp had cut the T out of all the no- tices he could find. If the wimmen with baby cabs don’t keep off from the battlefields down in Mexico, somebody is goin’ to get hurt yet. If every feller could pick out the shape of nose that he wanted, this would be a purty happy world. Advice. First deaf mute —What would you do, in a case like that?"" Second deaf mute I'd treat her with silent con- tempt; 1 wouldn’t move a finger when I met her.”” AN RIGHTEEN CARROT WEDDING-RING FOR THE JUNE BRIDE, It Went Far Morr may go far these days, if nature lends a hand. A dollar bill in a bottle was car- ried three hundred miles out to sea, MA that has been very much talked about of late —Pana-ma. THE SOCIABILITY OF ‘ TREATING.” Tom, Dick, Harry, Alphonse, George—"* Happy Days !"" (Then each to himself after fifth round of drinks: ‘* 1 wisn I could break away from this bunch without being called a quitter. My wife will give me rats when I get home. I'll have a headache in the morning, and be- sides, I can’t afford it." comicbooks.com