Judge — June 17, 1911 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Village Beauty. (With apologies to Longtellow.) By 8. B. KISER NDER a spread- ing maple tree The village beauty sits; e A most unhappy maid is she, A leaf she tears to bits— The coronation pag- eant through Her hopeless fancy flits. The Smiths have gone to London, where They'll linger till July; They’ve rented some duke's palace there— The price they pay is high. Their daughter has a turned-up nose And a cast in her left eye. They'll see the King, the dukes and earls, As they are driving past; They'll wear a quart or two of pearls And other gems so vast That probably the queen will turn And look and be aghast. When they come home they'll put on airs And snub the village belle, And scorn to mix up in affairs Such as once pleased them well; They'll have the English drawl, and, oh! The stories they will tell! Under the spreading maple tree The village beauty sits; She sighs, ‘‘Alas, alack, ah, me!’’ And tears a leaf to bits, And, having stripped it to the stem, She folds her hands and quits. Gratis. “¢QAY, you kid!”’ said the boss to the new office-boy. ‘‘You'll have to cut out that noise. I don’t pay you to whistle.’” “Oh, that’s all right! I ain't charg- ing you nothing for it,”’ replied the kid. CORONATION HATS—LATEST DESIGNS. How To Weigh Fish. OME people say, What's the use of carrying scales on a fishing trip when fish have scales of their own? Such have their consciences so well in hand that they can get highly satisfac- tory results that way; but there are some people, freshmen in the piscatorial academy, who are not so fortunately constituted, and it is for their benefit that this suggestion is offered: First attach a line to the small end of along pole. Tie a hook to the line, and, after baiting it, hold it in fishy-looking water until you get a result. Run or walk—-your manner depending upon the degree of your elation—with your result tocamp. Keep calling until you get to- gether all members of your party, and, barring those known to be of a jealous, spiteful disposition, allow each to guess at the size of your catch. Carefully add these guesses, doing the figuring your- self to avoid errors, and divide the total _ by the number of guessers, and the result will be the weight of your fish to the dimensions of a gnat’s foot. Only One. Ske--"'Mabelle has a pair of slippers for every gown she wears.”" He-—‘'Indeed! Isn't) she extravagant?” She—‘Oh, no! it’s the same pair." You see, “ HEN in doubt, play Wr trompe- “But suppose the dealer knows his business and you haven't any?” Suburban Notes. By ELLIS 0. JONES. M* AMAT U. R. GARDNER an- nounces the arrival of a row of fine, bouncing beans. Mrs. Handel Hoe presented her hus- band with a beautiful radish on Monday. This is the first of the season. Mr. Luce Ledger, of Wading Pond, Sundayed with the lawn mower. Mr. Woodby Spreyer and his young son, Izzie, baseballed in the back lot on Wednesday evening. Mr. and Mrs. X. Flatdweller are re- ceiving congratulations on the arrival of a hundred feet of new garden hose and a fine rake. Toeing the Line. UR Uncle Samuel is a man, And all the nations know it. His Monroe Doctrine is a line, And they the ones that toe it! “ WHOSE DAUGHTER 18 SHBT” comicbooks.com