Judge, 1911-06-17 · page 10 of 26
Judge — June 17, 1911 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate humorous pieces satirizing early 20th-century American life: **"Couldn't Take the Risk"** mocks wealthy female travelers obsessed with social status—a woman fears sleeping on trains, not from discomfort but from missing her chance to be first to the toilet room, exposing vanity masquerading as concern. **"Government Regulation"** ridicules the Pure Food and Drug Act's bureaucratic reach: a patient reassures himself he has no poison in his system because he only eats "guaranteed" foods, yet is diagnosed with poison anyway—suggesting regulations create false security. **"Coronationing"** (by Harvey Peake) satirizes compulsive tourism. Exhausted travelers tour Europe obsessively during the Coronation period, unable to stop despite fatigue, visiting countless cities. The poem mockingly suggests they'll literally die from constant travel, their gravestones reading "died Coronationing!"—commentary on wealthy Americans' frenetic, status-driven tourism culture.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Couldn't Take the Risk. sf NEVER am able,’’ she said, “‘to get any slee} a Pullman berth."" “T should think one who traveled as much as you do would get used to the noise and mo- tion of the car.’’ “Oh, it isn’t that. I am always afraid that if I go to sleep I shall not wake up in time to be the first in the toilet room in the morning.’ Government Regulation. «6YVOU 'VE got poison in your sys- tem,"’ said the doctor to the pa- tient who thought he had malaria. ‘*Maybe I have,’’ he admitted, ‘‘maybe T hav I don't eat anything but what is guaranteed under the pure-food law."’ “ MAN in New Jersey has a hen that prefers mosquitoes as a diet.”” “That kind of a hen in New Jersey ought to be reasonably sure of a bite to eat.” THE SCHOLAR OF THE FAMILY. THE LONDON POLICEMAN “* Parse on! Parse on !"" Coronationing. By HARVEY PEAKE HE shades of night were falling fast, As through a London fog there passed A group of tourists, tired and red, Whose every action plainly said: Coronationing! Their brows were sad, their eyes beneath Looked tired and sleepy, and their teeth Were clinched together. But no speech Was needed. This fact came from each: Coronationing! They'd been to Paris, Munich, Prague, To Edinburg, Lucerne, The Hague, St. Petersburg, Berlin, and Nice; Not even London offered peace, Coronationing! Through weary eyes they see each night Visions of home—a cheering sight! And vow that time will surely show That they again will never go * Coronationing! Yet now they're here they cannot stop; They're doing Europe on the hop, many places every day, So far to go, so long to stay, Coronationing! Soon travelers on their yearly tour Will find a burial ground obscure, Whose gravestones will this tale provide: “Here lie the ones who fell and died Coronationing!"" comicbooks.com