Judge — June 10, 1911 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A CROCODILE STORY. By CAROLYN WELLS. AM NOT afraid of Me 3 crocodiles. I have studied their habits too well and learned their ways too thoroughly to have any reason to fear them. That is, if I treat them properly. Of course you can’t kick them around. They don’t like it, and nobody ought to doit. I probably would- n't number very long on my list of friends the man who needlessly sets foot upon a crocodile. But the story I'm go- ing to tell you is about the one time when I really was afraid of a crocodile, and I think you'll admit I had reason to be. You see, it was this way. I'd been strolling along the Nile banks, chatting with a crocodile here and there, patting this one on the heud, or giving that one a lump of sugar. Presently I came to a monstrous big old fellow who looked rather grumpy. Well knowing the sil. “poR AN INSTANT EACH GAZED INTO VACANCY.” power of a kind word, I sat down by him and sympathetically asked him the cause of his apparent dissatisfaction, “Alas!"’ said he wearily, ‘‘I shall never attain my ambition."" ‘What is your ambition?”’ I asked, as any one would. He looked a little em- barrassed. “It’s such a foolish and peculiar am- bition, I hate to mention it,’’ he said. “Oh, pshaw!'"’ I replied. ‘What's a foolishness more or less between friends? Tell me your ambition, old fellow; per- haps I can help you to attain it."’ “Will you, if you can?’’ he asked, so pleadingly that I at once promised. “Well,” he said, still in his hopeless, dreary manner, ‘‘I want to eat a man who is named H. Wellington Lloyd-Jones.”” It was only by an effort that I smiled pleasantly, for that ‘was my very name! At first I suspected that the crocodile knew this, and that he had made up this absurd ambition as an excuse for eat- ing me. But the candid expression in his clear, honest eyes soon disabused my mind of the un- just suspicion I had formed, and I realized that it was a mere coincidence that I should bear his favorite name. But the question was now, how to keep the truth from him. If he should ask me my name I must tell him, for I have never denied my own name yet. Moreover, and worse, I had promised, if possible, to help him attain his ambition! Never had I broken a promise in my life, and I had no wish to do so—especially to an honest crocodile. Clearly there were but two things to do—to persuade him to renounce his am- bition or to change my name. The first would doubtless be difficult, if not im- possible, for men do not easily give up a lifelong desire. Also, there was need of haste, for he might ask an awkward and embarrassing question at any min- ute. So, by a mighty and determined effort of will power, I changed my name! I changed it to John Smith, totally and irrevocably. I also did it in- stantly. I have a very strong will and a quick firmness of decision. Good Manager. A CLEVER news- paper woman, whose income is nev- er less than $3,000 a year, went into a de- “THIS CERTAINLY 18 TOUGH ! partment store to purchase a pair of stockings. The silk-and-jew- eled salesgirl con- temptuously threw down the asked-for lisle threads, and then, in the madden- I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A FIRM BELIRVER IN CREMATION.” ingly condescending manner of her kind, opened a box of the three-dollar silk variety. “These,”’ she said loftily, ‘are quite nice for the price. I've worn them for several years and find them very satis- factory.” : “Good gracious! what a manager you must be!"’ cried the customer admir- ingly. ‘I? I could make my salary go as far proportionately as you do yours, I could have a yacht, a French car, and a country estate."” UNE is a good month in which to marry, but there are eleven others that will do. dn the second boat—" WEY, BOYS! ISN'T THIS THE BUMPLEST SHOOT-THE-CHUTES YOU EVER DID SEE?” comicbooks.com