Judge — June 3, 1911 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SIMMERINGS. Sermon of Small Dimensions.—A young curate, having preached in the place of an influential rector, was eager to hear his sermon praised by the older clergy- man, but the older man offered nothing to please his vanity. Finally the curate into his own hands and i id for a compliment. I did not weary your pe: ple by the length of my sermon to-day."” “*No, sir, not at all; nor by the depth, either,’’ answered the rector.—Spring- field Republican. A Boomerang.—Pat was over in Eng- land working with his coat off. There were two Englishmen laboring in the same store, so they decided to have a joke with the Irishman. They painted a donkey's head on the back of Pat's coat, and watched to see him put iton. Pat, of cou saw the donkey's head on his coat, and, turning to the Englishmen, said, **Which of you wiped your face in my coat?’’—I/deas. You don’t need a very complete list of funny stories to amuse a girl who is gifted with pretty teeth.—American Magazine. She—“ YOU'LL. NEVER FIND 80 PERPECT A BEING As THAT!” —London Opinion. Slightly Contradictory. — Editor—‘‘In your story of the fire you refer to the chief as ‘ou: cible old fire-fighter.’ '" Reporter es, sir."” Editor—** And your next para- graph you say he was ‘licked by the flames.’ "'—Boston Transcript. Now They Don’t Speak.—Miss El bud (triumphantly)—‘‘Just think of it! At the ball last night I listened to five declarations of love How mean of you, the pretty girl you were sitting near?’’—Red Hen. Ignorance of Casey.—Casey—*' Phwat kind av a horse is a cob?’’ Mur, hy —*‘It's wan thot’s been on corn, ye ignoramus. ton Transcript. Some people would find fault with the weather if it was raining money.—Blue Bal. Automobile Eye Insurance Exposure to Sun, Winds and Dust., Murine Eye Remedy freely applied Affords Reliable Relief. No Smarting—Just Eye Comfort—Try M Civilization—from Signal Fire to Telephone THE telephone gives the widest range to personal communication. Civilization has been extended by means of communication. The measure of the progress of mankind is ‘the difference between the signal fire of the Indian and the telephone service of to-day. Each telephone user has a personal interest in the growth of the whole telephone system. He is directly benefited by every extension of his own possibilities. He is indirectly benefited by the extension of the same pos- sibilities to others, just as he is benefited by the extension of the use of his own language. Any increase in the number of telephones increases the usefulness of each telephone connected with this system. The Bell System is designed to provide Universal service. AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH COMPANY AND ASSOCIATED COMPANIES One System Universal Service Lexington, Mass. net Jackeonviiie. Fin’ Portland, Me For Liquor and Drug Using A acientific remedy which has been skilfully and successfully administered by medical specialists for the past 31 years. At the following Keeley Institutes ; da, Mich. Cotambas, 0. Philadelphia, Pa HIN. Broad 8t arg. Fa. 426 Fifth Ave. London, England 1n answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com