Judge, 1911-05-20 · page 21 of 24
Judge — May 20, 1911 — page 21: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page primarily contains **vintage jokes** reprinted from Joe Miller's 18th-century joke book, not original political satire. The humor relies on wordplay and situational comedy typical of that era. Notable jokes include: - A man searching for a lost pin, unknowingly helped by another searcher looking for his own - Puns on "widow" and "Bill collector" - A boy hired as errand-boy despite admitting ignorance of astronomy The page also features **period advertisements** for products like Carrol Bitters, Murine eye tonic, and Blatz beer—standard commercial content for Judge magazine. **No identifiable political figures or events** appear on this page. The satire is generic and timeless rather than topical. The content reflects early 20th-century humor sensibilities: gentle, pun-based, and focused on domestic situations rather than social commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
FROM JOE MILLER’'S JOKE BOOK. Obliging. In the scramble that followed a prema- ture discharge of dynamite in a build- ing, astout man lost a searf-pin. After he began to search for it, he noticed an- other man poking round in the dust and debris. He immediately grew suspi- cious and at last spoke. “TI do not wish to give offense,’’ he said, ‘‘but I must ask you to refrain from assisting me in this search. I ap- preciate your willingness to help, but as a means of self-protection I long ago made it a rule never to allow strangers to assist me ina search for a lost ar- ticle.”” “Oh, very well,’’ said the stranger. “You have no objection to my looking on, I suppose ?"’ He sat down on the curbstone and watched the stout man sift dust and overturn stones. After twenty minutes of painful stooping the stout man found a searf-pin. “But it is not my pin,’’ he said de- jectedly. ; it’s mine,”’ said the other man. “Theard it strike somewhere hereabouts. That was what I set out to look for, but when I saw how anxious you were for the job I let you go ahead. Your own scarf-pin, if you want to know, is stick- ing to the flap of your left coat-pocket.’” Caron! Bitters. — Unequalled for flavoring glced Fruiza, Ieee and Jellies, "Sample on receipt of Beents. Oct. C. Blache & Co., 78 Broad St., N.Y. Gen'l Distre. Wifey (during storm)—‘‘Gracious! That was an awful clap of thunder! It frightened me terribly.” Hubby— Nonsense, my dear! der can’t hurt you.”” Wifey—‘‘Indeed! Didn’t you ever hear of people being thunderstruck?”” . ‘window’ Thun- ““*Widow’ and are much alike.’” “Well, and what’s the answer?’’ “When 1 get near either, I always look out.’” very ~ She—‘'This is Maude’s third husband, and they all bore the name William.”” He—‘*You don’t say so! Why, the woman is a regular Bill collector!” Murine—Through its Tonic effect, Stim- plates Healthy Circulation in the Blood Supply Nourishing the Eye and thus Promotes Eye Health, Shopkeeper—‘‘Want_ a situation as errand-boy, do you? Well, can you tell ae how far the moon is from the earth, eh?” Boy—‘* Well, guvnor, I don’t know; but I reckon it ain’t near enough to in- terfere with me running errands.”” He got the job. | Kind old lady—*‘ Poor man! as if you had seen better day: Willie Deadtired—‘'I hav Once I dwelt in granite halls.”” Kind old lady—‘‘ And how did you lose such a home?’’ Willie Deadtired—*‘ My term expired."’ - “Silly boy!’’ she said; ‘‘why did you become offended? Though my words were severe, you might have seen that I was smiling.” “Well,”’ he replied magnanimously, “your mouth is so small, I didn’t notice it.” The Last Straw. All afternoon Mr. Stubb had been moving pictures from one room to an- other, and his only reward was dust and perspiration. “Hurry up, John,” chided Mrs. Stubb, impatiently. ‘*You will never finish at that rate.”” Mr. Stubb removed the cobwebs from his florid brow. “*Woman do you think I’m a machine?”’ “Gracious, how funny!” “‘Madam, may I ask what is funny?’’ “Why, dear, if you were a machine you would be a moving-picture ma- chine." And then and there Mr. Stubb washed his hands and started for the club. How Brown Left Town. Brown lived in a Broadway hotel, Some forty stories high— Like Washington, he was a man Who could not tell a lie. While Brown was in his room one day (‘Twas on floor five or six), He saw a dun approach below— Poor Brown was in a fix! He reached out for the telephone, To bid the office youth Say he had'gone; but conscience cried, “Brown, that is not the truth!"" A happy thought! He left the ‘phone, Went out and closed his door, And in the elevator rode Up to the fortieth floor. Then to the elevator boy He said, ‘*Now hurry down And tell the clerk to tell that man That I am out of town."* —Blue Bull, Ad Valorem. A young lady whose name was Van Dorem Bought some new harem skirts and she wore ‘em. All the men closed up shop, But the mayor cried, ‘*Stop! Young lady, preserve more decorum !"’ —Michigan Gargoyle. | | | | ( THE SENTIMENT OF THE HARVEST LAIZ ve MILWAUKEE pl U OEINEST BEER sme FOOD VALUE, Ask for the brand that has made Cocktail drinking popular. Accept no substitute. Simply strain through cracked ice, and serve, Martini (gin base) and Me (whi Mech crethe me poplar Sh tagcod dea Press Ci Hn 10 Ba ROMEIKE’ Ss ty at nad ings which may appear about you, your frends, or any subject on which you may want to be “up to date.” Every newspaper and periodical of importance in the Uni- ted States and Europe is searched. Terms, $5.00 for 100 notices. Henry RomEixe, 110-112 West 26th ‘Street, New York. in answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com