Judge — May 13, 1911 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UNITED WE STAND. How To “Do” a Farmer. an Ov IN Dubuque lives a@ veterinary sur- geon, but in that demo- cratic but bucolic atmo- sphere of the prairie they are dubbed plain “horse doctors."’ This particular practitioner had all the other horse doctors in the State backed into a corner when it came to charg- ing generous fees, and without doing anything in particular to earn them, either. One afternoon he was called out into the country a couple of miles to save the life of a sick horse, but before he reached the destination the horse had died. Nevertheless, the practitioner, hav- ing been summoned, put in his bill for ten dollars for services—time consumed in making the trip. The farmer con- sidered the charge unjust and declined A BREAST OP THE TIMES. HM. GIVEN to pay. The other thereupon threatened to sue, and, rather than be haled into court, the farmer agreed to settle. Ready cash being scarce with the debtor, he suggested that his creditor accept a half interest in a fat milch cow on the premises. When the latter learned there was no way of extracting the currency from his client, he gave his co ‘, and the papers, giving a descript ” the animal, were forwarded to hiv the farmer was to retain the cow and milk her, and the practitioner, as he believed, would receive dividends on his invest- ment from time to time as the proceeds of the sale of the milk, the butter, and the cream. At the close of six months the prac- titioner, instead, received a bill for ten dollars for cow feed. ‘‘How is this?’ he wrote his partner. ‘‘Instead of a re- mittance for milk and butter sold, I get a bill for ten dollars.’’ Wrote the farmer in reply: ‘‘Say, pardner, just you read over again them there papers once more. You pay for the cow feed because you bought in the front half of the cow; the dividends are for me—I own the back half, where the milk and the butter come from. And when you start in again to do up a hard-working agri- cultural man for ien dol- lars he don’t owe, ‘phone me up. The Limit. Stella—‘‘Is she a grass widow Bella —‘'An alfalfa wid- ow; she has had three crops of husbands in a year.’’ Nasty Irving Forgotten. H, WHAT a fickle public we! Now no one mentions Peary; To ask for Wellman’s bum balloon Would brand your converse dreary. You raise no storm of argument To cite the break of Bailey; And no one asks if Jack’s in court— We used to read it daily. Oh, bring us on some heroes new, No matter what their spell be Some James J., Wilbur, Lina, Ted And, please, don’t mention Kelly! “4 CONFERENCE OF THE POWERS.” He Was Wrong. «67. 00D-MORNING,”" said the demure maiden, entering the grocery on the corner. ‘Do you keep oranges?” “No, miss," replied the grocer. The girl started for the door and had almost reached it when the facetious fellow called out, ‘‘We don't keep 'em; we sell 'em."" But he didn’t sell her any, so he did keep them. store “ HAT do they mean, pa, by two hearts beating as one?"’ “Heart trouble, I believe the doctors call it.’” comicbooks.com