Judge — May 6, 1911 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Peena- ‘WIE QUESTION UPON THE PACE OF THE AVERAGE PERSON 18 THE OUTCOME OF THR UPPERMOST THOUGHT IN THE MIND. On the Floor of the House. By WILLIAM J. LAMPTON HE Bryan came down like a wolf on the fold; His platform was gleaming in sil- ver—and gold, = And the hard in his j cheek was like re stone in the wall Of a fortified town in the province of 1. Like the leaves of the forest when au- tumn is here, His party fell to him, from far and from near, And handed him such an ovation that he Hugged Harmon right there where the whole House could see. He came, in the conquering-hero style, With a nerve that was matchless, a hand shake, and smile Which hypnotized all till they wanted to bet That Bryan's an issue which isn’t dead yet. Help for the Italian. LL THE ‘‘bulls’’ are not committed by the Irish, as is evidenced by the story told by a member of the New York Fire Department. As the Italian in question was, however, under stress of great excitement, it is probable that his ‘bull’ is not in the same class as those of the Celt. When the firemen got to a certain fire, smoke was issuing from a window on the second floor. Suddenly a native of Italy appeared on the window sill and yelled to the fireman nearest, * “Puta up da stepa-lad’ and I jump!"” Fortissimo. N NEW JERSEY lightning wrecked a piano recently. Every State in the Union would welcome some New Jersey lightning. T’S a wise man that knows his own. compartment. REFLECTIONS OF AN ENTHUSIASTIC AUTOMOBILIST. “This certainly is monotonous, Not even a duck to run over." Real English an Unknown Tongue. By STRICKLAND GILLILAN. HE SPORTING editor read what his new reporter had written, and his wrath grew apace. This is how some of it read: “Then Carl Smith went to bat, missed two balls, and hit the third, knocking it just between the second baseman and the shortstop. Immediately after, he ON THE COACHING LINE. “* All right, old top, stick ‘em over, and we'll show ‘em how the game is piayed on a regala- tion diamond."* made first base safely. Jones, who had been on first, went to second, while Carney ran home from third, scoring the second run of the game.”” “What does that sort of gibberish mean, anyway?’’ stormed the sporting editor. ‘‘I was there myself-and saw the game,.and know perfectly well that in the inning he refers to nothing of the sort happened. Why, that was the ses- sion in which Slewfoot Smitty wiped his bat on the ozone a pair of times, con- nected with the third pill, laid it down between the number-two hill and the guardian angel of the infield, beat it to the initial sack, sending Hefty Jones to number-twice bag, and letting Bugs Car- ney aviate to the homestead platter with the second tally of the battle. That's what happened! Wonder if this mutt was really at the game at all!’’ Throwing the copy into the waste basket, he called in the new man, handed him a blue envelope, and advised him to go somewhere and learn grammar with- out so much slang. comicbooks.com