Judge, 1911-05-06 · page 26 of 28
Judge — May 6, 1911 — page 26: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short satirical pieces typical of Judge magazine's humor: **"Canadian Reciprocity"** is the primary political content—a poem-dialogue mocking trade negotiations between American President Taft, Canadian Minister Fielding, and Philander (likely Philander Knox, U.S. Secretary of State). The satire ridicules Fielding's sudden embrace of free trade, suggesting he'll compromise on tariffs to benefit Canadian interests while protecting certain industries like coal. The "teardrop" and "free-trade bonnet" language mock political flip-flopping on reciprocal trade agreements. The remaining items are brief joke pieces about everyday hypocrisy: a woman voting for someone solely because he gave up his seat; a minister praying to stay humble but not poor; an eye doctor discovering a glass eye; a wife reminding her husband of their anniversary twice yearly for double gifts. The advertisements (Miller Beer, Chicago & Alton Railroad, Regina vacuum cleaners) are typical period marketing. The humor targets political inconsistency, religious pretense, and marital dynamics—standard Judge fare of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HIGH LIFE corBEER 3y Mitter « Bribery.—Mrs. M.—'‘Whom did you | vote for?” | Mrs. N.—‘‘I don't remember his name. He gave me his seat in the street car last week.’’—Cleveland Plain Dealer. | No Need for That.—A minister, in an address to other ministers, once said that he thought ministers ought to be humble | and poor, like their Master. ‘‘I have often prayed,’’ said he, ‘‘that I might be kept humble; I never prayed that I might be poor—I could trust my church for that.'’—Red Hen. Rock Ballast Roadbed Perfect Passenger Service Chicago & AltonR.R. R. J. McKAY, General Passenger Agent, Chicago | Bounder—"t SaY, OLD MAN, I WISH YOU'D MAKE A POINT OP BEING IN THIS EVENING AH, WANT TO SEB YOU ABOUT MARRYIN’ ONE OP . WHICH DO YoU USEMAID—WHAT ?” don Opinion. WANT—THE COOK OR Expert Opinion.—A student in an oph- thalmic institution was requested to ex- amine and report upon the condition of man’s eye. Having ceremoniously ad- justed the ophthalmoscope, he looked long and carefully into the optic. “Most remarkable!’ he ejaculated, in a tone of surprise. Then, having readjusted the instrument, he made a further careful examination. ‘Very extraordinary indeed!’’ he exclaimed. “T have never heard of such an eye. Have you ever had professional opinion on it?’’ “Once,"? was the laconic reply. “The man who put it in said it was a fine bit of glass!""—Red Hen. Her Gain.—Mrs. Jones—‘*Does your husband remember your wedding anni- No; so I remind him and June, and get two presents."’—Harper's Bazar. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE, It will be appreciated. Canadian Reciprocity. On the old White House veranda sat Fielding and Philander, While Taft stood smiling by. Said Philander unto Fielding, ‘‘You are on the point of yielding, For a teardrop dims your eye.”’ “They're not tears of woeful sadness; they are tears of joyful gladness. Firm free trader I've been right along; But I’ve never had a chance, sir, to make the interests dance, sir. That is why I sing this song.’ CHORUS. Put on my free-trade bonnet, with the red ribbons on it, While I knock the tariff wall away; For a cheaper dinner may be found a winner On the next election day. Said Phillie unto Willie, ‘‘This question may seem silly, But it’s needed on the whole. Could you stretch another point, sir? Pray, do not disappoint, sir! On the free list put soft coal.’" Fielding smiled a smile seraphic, then he said in language graphic, “*Knoxie, dear, I fear you do not see. I'll hit fruit men and packers, but it’s hands off coal and crackers, That's true reciprocity.’’ —Montreal Gazette. Every lover of a good cocktail should call for Abbott's Bitters. Makes the best No, It Wouldn’t.—Hubby (with news- paper)—‘Well, well! Another bank gone to smash and none of the directors knew anything about what was going on!" Mrs. Votington—Of course not! It wouldn’t be so if the directors were all women, '’—Boston Transcript, PNEUMATIC CLEANERS (Licensed ander the basic patents) have solved the “Spring Housecleaning” problem in thousands of homes. Avoid the drudgery and disturbance of old-fashioned methods. Get a Regina and keep your home clean and sanitary 365 days in the yea Reginas operate with double suction pumps. Twice as efficient as the ordinary kind. Easi- esttouse. Most modern. Light, compact, in- expensive. Fully guaranteed. Electric or hand- operated models. Inquire of dealers or wnte to us for particulars. Our interesting bool “THE MAGIC WAND” beautifully illustrated in color pre- sents the cleaning problem in an original and fascinating manner. Mailed on receipt of 2c stamp. The Regina Company Union Square, New York 221 Wabash Avenue, Chicago comicbooks.com