Judge — May 6, 1911 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MRS. LESTER'S HOBBLETTE—A MONOLOGUE. «¢ VES, I went to New York yesterday, and, if you'll believe me, my dear, I never had such a day in all my life! It was simply ap- palling—what I went through! I shudder now to think of it! You see, I thought I’d shop a little in the morning, and then meet John for lunch- eon, and go to a matinee afterward. Well, we did all that, but such a time as I had doing it! “T didn’t go in town with John. He goes on that eight- thirty-nine—all our best commuters do; but it’s too early for me to getoff. He said we'd lunch at Sherry’s—John’s a perfect dear about By CAROLYN WELLS. worst of a dressmaker in the house. You never can say what you think, be- cause you feel as if you were being rude to a guest. “Well, anyway, I got into the thing and started for the ten-forty-eight train. “‘What is the gown? Oh, it’s simply the most adorable coloring you ever dreamed of! Foundation of a sort of iridescent satin, clouded with a sort of bluish-greeny thin stuff, shot with orange and changeable violet, and hem THE MONKEYSHINES OF A CHIMPANZEE. ° and girdle of flame-colored s: » with pastel design shaded in; so, you see, it’s modified Chantecler, after all. Well, let me tell you, it looked lovely in the mirror, and as I started to walk away I fell over at the very first step! Luckily, I fell into a chair; but I bruised my knee and ankle dreadfully. Jane brought hot water and Pond’s Extract and fixed me up, and I started again, for I didn’t want to lose that train. How I got downstairs I don’t know. It was a series of jumps and jounces. But, after this, I shall slide down on a tea tray, as I used to do when I was a child. “Of course I knew it was only a matter of learning to walk in the thing, and I was bound to learn. I went along the street pretty well as long as I remem- bered to take little, such things, if we 2. Napoleon—'* Say, Jumbo, I want your as- sistance for a few minutes, to teach that smart bunch of sports over there to pick on someone their own size, —— 1. Mr. Hippo—' Raus mit you! Clear out, you meddlesome young ape before I take a notion to sit on you!" tiny steps; but as I reached Eglantine Avenue, I heard the train coming. You know there’s a good two blocks to go after that, so I ran. My dear, if you could have seen me! Talk about contor- tionists! Of course my running was just a sort of jig- gety-jig trotting, but I had to keep going to preserve my equilibrium. 1 reached the train just as it was ready to move out of the station. I tried to step on, but you know how high the lowest step is. I simply couldn't reach it. I tried first one foot and then the other, and neither would come anywhere near that step without tear- ing my skirt. And it wouldn't tear! have been married nearly two years. So, of course, I wanted to look my bestest, and I put on my new blue gown. I'd never had it on before, and— Yes, it isa hobble skirt; but I begged Miss Thread- ley not to make it extreme. I do hate extreme fashions. So she said she’d make a modified hobble, a hobblette, she calls it—and she assured me it would beall right. It’sa perfect beauty, my dear; but, good land! it’s exactly the shape of a bol- ster slip, and round the knees it’s fitted tightly and boned! It’s the very last word of French style, but I’m not 4, —— There! Now, Jumbo, pull with all your might. Pull till the rope breaks ! — this cocoanut tree. —— sure Miss Threadley 5. Now, we'll see what 6, —— The stronger nut wins in life's battles. translated it cor- happens when those two nuts Isn't that right, Jumbo? As I said before, one rectly. That's the come together.—— wants to remember he laughs best who laughs . last."" é comicbooks.com