Judge, 1911-04-29 · page 12 of 26
Judge — April 29, 1911 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple unrelated humor pieces typical of early 20th-century satirical magazines: **"On the Mexican Border"** mocks military incompetence—a recruit doesn't load his rifle because he didn't see the previous shot exit. **"He Never Thought of That"** plays on gender role assumptions: a man seeks an intellectual wife, but she rejects him as useless. **"Embarrassing the Humanitarian"** satirizes anti-vivisection activists by catching a lecturer in hypocrisy—he opposes animal experimentation but eats oysters and lobster, which also involve killing living creatures painfully. **"Couldn't Help It"** is a weight joke about a man with an obese wife and daughter. **"Still Holding a Grudge"** references the Biblical story of Samson and Delilah, joking that a man dislikes female barbers because of Delilah's treachery. The remaining pieces are brief one-liners and advertisements. The humor relies on wordplay, moral hypocrisy, and stereotypes typical of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
2 ‘ee ON THE MEXICAN BORDER. Officer—"* Why don't you put the shot in ?"* Recruit—'*'Cos I didn't see the other one come out yet."” He Never Thought of That. By JOHN K. Le BARON. E ASPIRED to wed a brainy maid, Well versed, well read, and deep; No frivolous, frothy, fickle jade, But one who knew a heap. At last he found the one he sought And decided she would do; But when he proposed, the maid replied, “‘What use could I make of you?’’ By This Sign Ye Shall Know Them. IN A SUBURB of Syracuse stands a house conspicuous for its recent coat of paint, which appears to have been daubed on, while nailed to the front porch is this sign: THIS HOUSE WAS PAINTED BY FITZ & STARTZ. Embarrassing the Humanitarian. N ANTI-VIVISECTIONIST lecturer was taken off his feet recently when some one interrupted him to ask if he ever ate oysters on the half shell. When he replied in the affirmative, the questioner said, ‘‘Didn’t you have guilty qualms of conscience when you tore the living oyster from the shell and chewed the life out of it before you swallowed it?"’ The same questioner had the temerity to ask the lecturer if he ever partook of lobster salad and if he realized that lobsters were prepared for the ta- ble by being thrown alive into boiling water. The unfairness of such ques- tions suggests itself, and also the inconvenience of making a satisfactory response. Couldn't Help It «PO YOU believe in big familie: “Yes, sir. I've got to. My wife weighs over two hundred pounds, and my daughter, who is only seventeen years old, weighs a hundred and sixty-five.’’ Subway Motto. UnitTep we push; divided we hang. THE LAST DAYS OF SCHOOL—‘* THE CALL OF NATURE." UBEINKENSTEIN = aoa ENTERPRISE. “Hey! need any gasoline?” Still Holding a Grudge. simply abhors women barbers."* “He has some sort of a reason, I sup- pose “Yes; he says he can never forget the bum haircut that Delilah gave Samson."" After Dante. (Quite a distance after. too.) NEVER saw a Camorrist, I do not want to see one; But, if it’s all the same with you, I'd rather see than be one. It May Come to This. ‘OR RENT — Swell apartment; servants’ hall, five servants’ bedrooms, with private baths; ele- gant kitchen, combination living and dining room, and one masters’ bedroom. Address X-ll, this mag- azine. Rejected. Madge—‘‘Have you ever gone in for wrestling?”’ Mabel—*‘ Well, I threw four men in an hour at a summer hotel once.” comicbooks.com