Judge — April 29, 1911 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Muck-raker'’s Creed. FIRMLY believe in the imperfec- tion of the human race and the uni- versal selfishness of the genus homo. I believe in the use of the magnifying glass to find these im- perfections and of printer’s ink to make them known. Provided the plot is undisturbed, I be- lieve in the right of the skillful literary artist to retouch circumstances and even facts to add color and vividness and make the ‘‘story’’ sell, as every being is entitled to a decent living, which must be got in some honorable way. I believe in muck-raking big game when it is available, for the public pays a liberal bounty for the scalp and hide of its pub- lic servants, whom it first raises to high positions and then enjoys seeing rotten-egged on every ex- cusable occasion. I believe that muck-rak- ing is a laudable profes- sion, a public service, and an unexcelled personal advertisement, when, un- scathed himself, one is able to sell or publish literary roasts bearing on his local mayor, his Gov- ernor, men of envied wealth, the United States judiciary, members of Congress, and, above all, the President of these United States. Verily, muck-raking is enjoyed by the public; and when his often gar- bled diction is eagerly sought after, why should any one with an elastic conscience despise him- self? UT OFF until to-mor- row the style some people put on to-day. SLANG TERM—“ ALL DOWN AND OUT.” A New Song. GING a song o° sixpence, A pocket full 0” rye; Four and twenty high balls, Dumped in where it’s dry. When the drought is broken, His head begins to swim— Won't somebody please put A rudder onto him? Judging by Her Face. SeyOULD you marry a lord if you knew he was taking you merely for your father’s money ?"" “Certainly not.’" “Then I suppose you have made up your mind to be the wife of some Amer- ican.”” = Cae BY Che Jrasstomper A Remarkable Happening. AN ELDERLY gentleman of rural ap- pearance had hardly seated himself in the crosstown street car when a young lady who had followed him in approached him. “Sir, did you lose a five-dollar bill?” she asked. For a moment the farmer observed her with a surprised, curious look, then said convincingly, ‘* Yes, ma’am, I did."’ “Then here it is,’’ said she, handing the bill to him. “I picked it up behind you from the car floor.’ “Thank ye very much, young lady, for your honesty. This is a most remark- able happening!"” “Oh, I don’t think so, sir! I believe every one should return the money in such a case as this. What is there so remark- able about it?"" “Why, I lost mv five- dollar bill two years ago!"" Regrettable. CAN'T tell you how sorry I was to hear of your husband's death, Mrs. Nurich. It is too bad that he had to go that way."’ “Yes; I j-just c-can’t get over it. If it nad only been appendicitis or something fashionable; but plain conjunction of the brain! It makes me feel so bad on the chil- dren's account."’ i | FTER a banquet a prominent man was asked (by a close friend), “Well, did you manage to stay sober?’” “Oh, yes,’”he replied; “but my health was drunk.’” comicbooks.com