Judge — April 15, 1911 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Humpty Dumpty, alias T. R. UMPTY DUMPTY filled the front page. Humpty Dumpty fell off the stage. Humpty now gets, maybe, a line Near the ‘‘Want Ads’’—page number nine. So we are wond'ring if and when Humpty will e’er come back again. On Another Lay. ee IGGSFORTH made a tidy for- tune out of the chicken busi- ness,"’ says our friend. “Indeed?”? we murmur politely. “Scientific chicken raising?” “Oh, no! He didn’t raise chickens, He sold a patent coop.”” Wit and Wisdom of Bildad. fy HORACE DODD GAsTIT. IE MAY be sorry for Adam and Eve, but who cares to live in a garden after the fall, any- how? It is apt to be very cold until spring. If one-half the world understood how the other half lived, it would probably decide that life was not worth living. When a man is ambidextrous, he should be careful to let his left hand know what his right hand is doing, lest he overdraw his bank account. It may be true, as some have said, that money talks; but it is generally in the form of a money-logue, rather than a real conversation. Many an artist of splendid technique never realizes that he is not an entire success until he tries to draw a check. Riches are said to have wings, but, after all, even the best and surest of coupons are clippe Some men are so entirely devoted to the general proposi- tion of uplift that at the psychological moment they are not backward even in raising the deuce. THOSE HATS. The girl who needn't wear one does. The girl who should wear one doesn't. This line that looks like thirty cents is waiting to negotiate a deal involving a million This line that looks like a million is waiting to consummate a bargain marked down to thirty cents . There is compensation in all things. The man with a short pocket usually has a long face. When it comes to sermons, man wants but little here below and wants that little short. Love may laugh at locksmiths, but when he finds himself in the presence of a cross-eyed chaperon, the combination is too much for him. The fact that truth lies at the bottom of a well is proba- bly the reason why truth is often so fearfully watered. The egotist is a man who has an I only for number one, and even that is so overworked that it cannot see straight. Many aman who is a poor shot is very successful when it comes to throwing bouquets at himself. There are people who are so panicky that they send for an ambulance when all they really need is the water-wagon. Some men are so economical that, instead of hiding their light under a bushel, they conceal it under a pint. Cows Is Cows. (Wit renewed apologies to the Purple Cow.) NEVER saw a purple cow; I never hope to spy one. I'd like a common one, I vow, Had I the dough to buy one. Tides vs. Tieds. SCIENTIST has recently appeared who claims that he has devised an apparatus by which he can harness the tide. This is interesting to a good many people, but out in Reno they are more vitally concerned in an arrange- ment for unharnessing the tied. The Rubaiyat of Omar. Khayoodle. FF YOU don’t like the things I say And deem them rather stale and flat, Remember, as you go your way, I'm talking through my Rubay-at! comicbooks.com