Judge, 1911-04-01 · page 6 of 24
Judge — April 1, 1911 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains four humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century American satire: **"The New Woman Up-to-Date"** and **"April Fool"** mock the "New Woman"—a contemporary social figure challenging traditional gender roles. The poem depicts a woman attempting April Fool pranks on a man who remains immune to her charms, ultimately seducing him through a kiss, then revealing it as a trick. The satire critiques both the woman's manipulative independence and the man's complacent resistance. **"Head Wanted"** is a domestic humor piece where a housemaid, finding a broken Beethoven bust, absurdly places the head on a headless Winged Victory sculpture, unable to comprehend that the two statues were originally separate. The joke mocks servant-class literal-mindedness. The other brief pieces—**"Beware!"**, **"According to Scripture,"** and **"The Bachelor's Vision"**—offer light romantic and domestic humor typical of Judge's content. The cartoon illustration shows a caricatured woman in an exaggerated pose, labeled "The New Woman Up-to-Date," embodying period anxieties about changing female social roles.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE NEW WOMAN UP-TO-DATE. April Fool. by WILBUR D. NESBIT. E KNEW that she was full of pranks, So when she some fudge He simply murmured fulsome thanks And said of soap he was no judge. A dozen ways she tried to play Some little trick of gay deceit, But he knew that it was the day When foolishness and wisdom meet. offered him Oh, she was young and she was fair! Her lips were sweeter than a rose, No gold was ever like her hair, Her hands were whiter than the snows, Her eyes were lovely as the dawn, Her ears as dainty as could be— This picture is not overdrawn, As you would know if you might see. She put her little hand in his, She looked up, smiling, in his eyes. He only scoffed, ‘*I know there is No meaning in your gentle sighs.’ Her lips she puckered, as a bud Is folded ere touched by the breeze. It sent a warm thrill through his blood To hear her softly pleading, ‘‘Please!"" But firm as adamant he stood, In spite of tempting lips and words. She murmured then, ‘‘I wish you would,”’ In tones like carolings of birds. But, no! He only shook his head And stood before her, calm and cool. And then she kissed him! Then she said, In merry accents, ‘‘April fool!"’ Followed Directions. Painting master—‘‘Great Scott! you have blurred your painting hopelessly! Didn't I tell you to bring out the fea- tures more distinctly?” Fair pupil—*Yes; and I followed your directions. I used two jars of the best massage cream on the market on that canvas, and it didn’t do a bit of good.”” Head Wanted. A NEW housemaid was coming to Mrs. Brown, and, with a view to impressing the girl with the neatness of her home, Mrs. Brown spent the morn- ing dusting. On the sitting-room man- tel stood a small plaster copy of the Winged Victory, and on the piano was a similar-sized cast of Beethoven's head. In her zeal Mrs, Brown overturned the bust and broke it from the pedestal. It didn’t matter much, though, for she never cared for the deep frown of the composer, and she threw the remains into the waste-paper basket. The maid came, and Mrs. Brown, con- vinced of her reliability, thought it safe to leave her in charge of the house long enough to make a few calls. On her return she was surprised, on going into the sitting-room, to find Beethoven's head perched on the shoulders of the otherwise headless Winged Victory. Bridget was there with an explanation. “Sure, mum, I found the head all right; but I hunted high and low for the arms and couldn't lay eyes on ‘em. Beware! (Apologies to “Anonymous.” ) By WILLIAM J. BURTSCHER KNOW a maiden fair to see: Take care! She can both false and friendly be: Beware, beware! Trust her not! She is fooling thee! Whereof I speak I surely know: Take care! This maiden fair has told me so, Because, you see, She belongs to me— And is fooling thee. According to Scripture. OTHER came with slow and silent step from the sick room and said to little Robert, ‘‘Your little baby brother is very ill, Robert, dear, and I am afraid he will die."* “Well, mamma, if he does die he won't go to the bad place."* “Why, Robert, what makes you say that?” “Oh, I know! You see, he can't, mamma, ‘cause he ain’t got no teeth to gnash!"* THE BACHELOR'S VISION “Alas, alas! My kingdom for a lass !"’ comicbooks.com