Judge, 1911-03-25 · page 22 of 30
Judge — March 25, 1911 — page 22: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains five separate humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century American satire: **"A Gungawamp Tragedy"**: A rural domestic comedy where a man's wife left him after he used his new safety razor to peel potatoes—damaging the blade. The joke relies on the novelty of safety razors as household items. **"A Canine Wail"**: A dog complains his mistress didn't kiss him goodbye—gentle sentimental humor. **"The Satisfying Rejection"**: A writer submits work with a letter preemptively claiming it's unsuitable, so rejection won't sting. The satire targets writerly ego and the submission process. **"Posies and Pantaloons"**: A prankster alters a florist's "Plants for Sale" sign to "Pants for Sale." The florist's witty response ("Bloomers...guaranteed bloomers") plays on double meaning—the flower variety and women's undergarments. **"Conservative"**: A brief political cartoon where an Irish maid ("Bridget") claims she's "standing Pat" on women's suffrage—a pun suggesting she supports the status quo while literally standing with someone named Pat.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A Gungawamp Tragedy. By JOE CONE. EN HINES is goin’ to git divorce, An’ folks don't blame him, nu- He's keepin’ house all by himself— Jane’s gone back to her moth- er. What did she do? She’s done enough— I guess you wouldn’t praise her. She peeled pertaters for a week With Hen’s new safety razor! A CANINE WAIL. “* What 's the matter ?"’ “* My mistress didn't kiss me when she went out." The Satisfying Rejection. A CERTAIN writer of prose and verse —no matter his name--in submit- ting his literary productions to the edi- torial judge has adopted the following letter to accompany his efforts proffered for sale: Dear editor—I am submitting here- with something for your inspection. I am quite sure it is not suitable for your magazine, but I take this manner of offering my matter, so that when it is returned to me (stamped envelope in- closed), [ shall feel that my judgment and the editorial judgment are in per- fect harmony—a condition which, until I adopted this method, I am pained to say, did not exist frequently. If now our opinions differ, the differ- ence will to some extent be healed by the size of the check you give in ex- change for the available matter. Very cordially, Perhaps it may be well to add, for the benefit of any other literary lucubrators who are having troubles similar to those of our hero, that his letter is not copy- righted and they may use it if they think their lot will be made any happier thereby. NE of the things that nature has never produced is a sign painter who knows how to spell. Posies and Pantaloons. ITH a brush and a mixture of whiting, an enterprising florist on lower Broadway decorated his front win- dow with a large sign which read, “Plants for Sale.”” When the florist had closed his store for the night, a mischievous newsboy carefully erased the second letter of the first word, so that the sign read, ‘‘Pants for Sale."’ “Ha, ha!’’ laughed an onlooker, when the florist opened his shop the next “That's a funny sign for a What kind of pants do you morning. flower store. sell?” Looking at the sign and taking in the situation at a glance, the florist replied, “Bloomers, my good friend; guaranteed bloomers! HE HOTEL guest had taken a kindly interest in the bright- faced bellboy who an- swered his summons so promptly. “What is your name, my boy?"’ he inquired. “They calls me Billiard Cue,"’ replied the youth. “Billiard Cue!"’ said the gentleman, AN AFTER DINNER SPEECH with mingled surprise and curiosity. “And why is that?" “*Because I woirk so much better wid a good tip,”’ answered the knight of the corridor. Poem to a Safety Razor. D®&s old safety razor, Friend of a hundred morns— Friend of a hundred evenings, If thou wert good for corns. CONSERVATIVE. “* Bridget, how do you stand on votes for women ?"* “T'm ‘ standing Pat.''"" comic¢books.com