Judge, 1911-03-18 · page 11 of 24
Judge — March 18, 1911 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate satirical pieces typical of early-20th-century American humor: **"No Difference Either Way"** mocks a woman (Miss Flirtlee) who flirted excessively before marriage. The joke: whether she married one officer or the whole regiment, her behavior would remain unchanged—she'd flirt with everyone regardless. **"Who She Was"** is a short story about gossiping ladies at a Southern hotel who assume a young woman with an older man is his mistress. The punchline reveals the "scandalous" truth: she's actually his new *stepwife*—making the gossips' assumptions about impropriety humorous by contrast. **"A New Brand"** depicts Uncle Hiram, a rural character, complaining that the oil smoke from a passing car smells like cheap cigars—satirizing both automobile pollution and rural/urban cultural gaps. **"Where He Drew the Line"** features an Irish-dialect character (Mulcahey) who accepts foreign-born doctors but explicitly refuses if the "foreign body" in his eye is Italian ("Dago")—crude ethnic stereotyping and prejudice played for laughs, reflecting period xenophobia.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
NO DIFFERENCE EITHER WAY. “There goes that Miss Flirtlee who married Captain Adams, and led him such a merry dance. She should not have married one man; she should have married the regiment."* “Yes; and then she would have flirted with all the other regiments." Who She Was. By HORACE DODD GASTIT. IS said to have hap- pened at a Southern ho- tel, where those who seek perpetual spring spend the winter. The 6} usual number of idle and curious old ladies sat upon the great verandas, discussing everybody but themselves, and atten- tion was suddenly attracted by a hand- some couple that passed through the ho- tel corridors, followed by a little girl, who, small as she was, appeared to be too old to be the daughter of the lady in the case. The handsome couple entered a motor car and, waving an affectionate good-by to the little girl, sped out of the hotel grounds with a loud whirr and disappeared up the distant roadway. The little girl watched them until they quite out of sight, and then, turn- around, she sought out a chair not far from the group of gossips. It was not long before her loneliness was noted by one of the ladies, who called out a pleasant greeting. “I don’t think I have seen you here before, my little girl,’ she said, with a gracious smile. “No, ma’am,”’ said the little girl. “We only got here last night.’" “And do you like it here?’’ she was asked. “Very much,’”? she replied. lovely here."” “And you didn’t go motoring with your papa and mamma, did you?’’ said the good lady subtly. “No; I don’t like motor cars,’’ said the child. ‘‘It makes me seasick to ride in them.”’ “Your mamma is a very young-look- ing lady to have so big a child as you are,’’ said the good lady. ‘She isn’t my real mamma,”’ said the child. “Oh, indeed!” said the good lady. “‘No,’’ said the little one gravely. “‘She’s my papa's new stepwife.”’ “It's Jack Up-to-date. LITTLE Jack Horner sat in a comer, But he was not eating a pie. He put out his thumb, raked in quite a sum, And said, ‘‘What a great boy am I!" EVEN if you are in a rut, ‘‘keep mov- ing.’’ If you do, you may get out. A New Brand. NCLE HIRAM sstroked his throat whiskers and watched the big tour- ing car as it whizzed past him and up the boulevard, emitting a trail of bluish smoke from its oil-choked engine. ‘Huh!’ he sniffed. ‘‘Them may be swell city fellers, but they certainly was a-smokin’ some durn orful seegars!’” WHERE HE DREW THE LINE. Doctor M. Dee—'' You have a foreign body in your eye.” Mr. Mulcahey—'* A_foreign body, is ut? Well, Oi don’t objict t’ a Gurman, er a Pole, er a Frinchman ; but if at's a Dago thot 's in me oye, git him out quick, an’ Oi 'Il wallup him !"" comicbooks.com