Judge, 1911-03-11 · page 5 of 24
Judge — March 11, 1911 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate humorous articles about gasoline and automobiles in the early automotive era: 1. **"How To Make Gasoline Fumes Useful"** - A poem satirizing the noxious fumes from gasoline engines, suggesting they might serve some purpose given how unpleasant they are. 2. **"Gasoline Wagon Jolts"** - Brief jokes contrasting gasoline-powered wagons with horse-drawn ones, noting that gasoline wagons eliminate the pleasure of cracking a whip and require constant maintenance. 3. **"Modern Pyramids"** - A visual joke showing dollar signs stacked like pyramids, likely satirizing the wealth generated by the gasoline industry. The large illustration depicts a horse-drawn wagon loaded with gasoline barrels, captioned as belonging to "Clancy O'Toole," suggesting early gasoline distribution. The satire reflects early 20th-century skepticism about automobiles and their practical advantages over horses.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
How To Make Gasoline Fumes Useful. sees. INNIT has a graceful car- By GRACE McRINSTRY. Gasoline fomes emitted Jersey. —Newcs Hem ITTLE drops of water, Littie grains of sand Make the mighty ocean And the pleasant land; And the little fumelets Of some swift ma- chine Drive the mighty skeeters From the gasoline. Yet if these mosquitoes Some day cease to hatch, Can we keep New Jersey Really up to scratch? Business System in the Home. Ty Y HUSBAND amuses me,” says the hostess, ‘‘by the excuses he has for being detained down town of evenings. Sometimes I can almost hear his brain working out an excuse as he tiptoes up the stairs."" “My husband,’ says the caller, ‘tis different. He isa very systematic man, you know, and some’ time ago he wrote outa list of various excuses and num- bered them. Now, when he comes in he just calls up the stairs, ‘Number four,’ or ‘Number twenty,’ or whatever the number may be. riage.” “Can't she afford an auto?’’ REBECCA AT THE OIL WELL. AUTO in the barn is worth two jacked up on a country road. GASOLINE GOSSIP. Gasoline Wagon Jolts. By VANCE C. CRISS. ‘0 BE taken to the police station in a gasoline patrol wagon doesn't make the ride any more agreeable. The man who drives a gasoline wagon loses all the pleasure of cracking the whip. Just because a gasoline wagon is forty-horse-power is no sign that a good team can’t pull it out of the mud. The driver of a gasoline wagon never loses the pleasure of an evening out for fear he hasn't watered the horses, If the ‘‘water’’ wagon is driven by gasoline, you'll have to find some excuse other than getting down to pick up the whip. Modern Pyramids. HE PYRAMIDS of ancient days Were built of flinty blocks, But modern builders much prefer A different kind of ‘‘rocks’’: $ $ $ $$$ $$$ $$$ SSSSSS$_ _$SSS$3$_$ESS$SE Clancy O'Toole was seen on the Avenue yesterday driving his big gasoline wagon. Clancy says that although it has a capacity of five hundred gallons he can go all day on two pints. comicbooks.com