Judge — March 11, 1911 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TheF EN TAU SLASIIG TASS AM exceedingly fond of automobile rid- ing, but I am not able to own a car of my own. This, however, does not interfere with my pleasure. Many of my friends own automobiles, and I have found that by judiciously turning the conversation to the subject of automo- biles when I meet an owner, and by A SLIGHT MISTAKE. Man—"' What have you been doing ?"” Oiling the cylinder.”” Nonsense! It was my ear."” praising the particular make of car owned by that particular friend, I receive an invitation to ride in thecar. In this manner I secure all the pleasure of auto- mobiling with none of the expense. I had grown so accustomed to the en- Boz a5 Evils PARKER BUTLER: thusiastic praises heaped on his especial kind of car by each owner—brags about its speed, endurance, hill-climbing abil- ity, comfort, and low maintenance cost— that when I heard that Morley was acar owner I felt that I knew exactly how to approach him in order to‘secure a suc- cession of rides in his automobile for myself and my family. I had not seen Morley for six or eight months when one morning I met him in the train. The seat beside him was vacant, so I walked down the aisle and clapped my hand on his back in a friendly manner. Instantly his face turned as white as a sheet and he began to trem- ble like a leaf. “Nothing of the sort!’’ he exclaimed hastily. ‘‘Il know how fast this car can go, and I tell you it was not exceeding the speed limit! I'll go to the police station with you, but’’-—— Then he saw my face and he drew himself together with a jerk, but the sweat was pouring from his face. I ig- nored this and dropped into the seat be- side him. **Hello, you old motor fiend!’’ I said pleasantly. ‘*How’s your family?” He looked at me and twisted his fin- gers together nervously. “Fine, fine!'’ he said, with forced at- tention. ‘‘Fifteen dollars fine or thirty BORN TO THE PURPLE. “Sh, Mamie, pipe de member of de royalty.’* “* What ?”" “Yes, be was hatched from an incubator that won first prize at the county fair."’ AROTOR TTC -By I laughed heartily, but Morley only stared at me, wild-eyed. “Hear you have a car now,’ I said. “You are the lucky beggar!” “Yes, yes! Lucky!" he said. ‘I had it right in my pocket—my whole roll of bills. Thirty dollars and costs"-—— On avert A GOOD CAUSE. “ Why didn’t you answer my letter about the money you owe me?” “Cause you didn't inclose a stamp."* 1 ignored this. I saw Morley was not. quite himself. ‘‘What is your car?’ I asked, with assumed interest. “It’s an outrage, that’s what it is!’’ said Morley hotly. ‘‘It’s a condemned outrage, your honor! Twenty dollars! And I was not going four miles an hour when’’—— ‘*An Outrage, hey?’’ I said, the makes I have not heard of. car?” “*Speed?"’ said Morley. ‘‘Speed, your honor? Why, judge, all I ask is that you come out and ride with me in the car. You'll see for yourself that it can’t go ten miles an hour. I don’t mind pay- ing the fine, your honor; but’’?—— “Come now, Morley!’’ I said. ‘‘Pull yourself together, man! This won’t do! Be rational! What did your car cost?’’ “One of Speedy comicbooks.com