Judge, 1911-03-04 · page 8 of 24
Judge — March 4, 1911 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes early-20th-century obsessions with hygiene and germ theory. The top section mocks exaggerated antiseptic parenting through a "Modern Mother's Monologue," where a neurotic parent treats her child's daily activities as contamination hazards—sterilizing hands, providing individual car straps, using germicide sprays, even baking shoes in an oven. The satire targets how contemporary scientific discoveries about germs were being taken to absurd extremes by anxious middle-class families. The smaller cartoons and verses provide social humor: "Not Going That Way" plays on rural dialect confusion; "Fakes" mocks artificial palm trees in New York hotels; "Too Bad" jokes about a woman who bought a fake count (nobleman) cheaply; and "Windy Corner Acrostic" observes women's skirts being blown about in wind. The top banner parodies product advertisements for dubious patent medicines and tonics—common Judge targets. The overall message: modern science, while valuable, was being weaponized by marketers and anxious consumers into ridiculous overcorrections.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ADVERTISING CONFORMITY. PREVENT. BALDNESS | cer peg nai or ems weaent3 | consmovs nam Phavace Scientific agriculturists tell us that plant life is subject to system disorders similar to those that affect human life and animal life in general. Bill-posters may use these suggestions to good advantage. NOT GOING THAT WAY. How far is it to Rapid City ?"" Twelve miles as the crow flies."” Motorist Native— Motorist—** But how far is it as the duck swims ?"’ Monologue by a Modern Mother. By CAROLYN WELLS OW IT’S time for you to start for IN school, Reggie, darling. Good- by. No, don’t kiss me! How many times must I tell you that kissing is unsanitary? “Oh, child, how could you pat the dog! Now we must sterilize your hands all over again and steam them and then use the antiseptic spray on them. There! Now, here are your antiseptic gloves. Get your hands into them quickly. “And here's your individual car strap. Be careful not to touch any other. “Have those shoes been bal since you wore them yesterday? No? Then you must change them. Here's another pair, just out of the oven. And here's your slate, dearie. It's been well boiled and afterward baked. “‘Now, remember, put on your rubber gloves when working at the blackboard, and use your own piece of chalk. Be sure to use your own cup to drink from, and here's the antiseptic spray to use if a fly gets on you or on your desk. “And here are two tubes of germicide and a vaporizer; gargle every even hour from this bottle, and sniff this one every odd hour, ‘*Here’s your doctor's certificate in its antiseptic case. Show it to the teacher if he insists on cutting out your tonsils again, and tell him I’m sure your ade- noids have not grown again since your operation last week, “Now run along, Don’t breathe when the wind is blowing or any Don't dearie. dust flying or any people passing. breathe at all if you can help it. touch mother’s just wave a farewell. But wave away from yourself, not toward Fakes. Uncle Eben (in N York hotel) — ‘‘Hey, young feller, you peo- ple got stung on those palms Hotel clerk — ‘*You think they're artificial, I suppose."” Uncle Eben —‘*Not that; but I been down here at all times of the year since if I ever 1885 and durned saw a date or a fig growing on ’em yit!"’ Too Bad. MA8Y bought a lit- tle count, But can’t enjoy him since, Because she learned for what she paid She might have Windy Corner Acrostic. By CHARLES C. JONES. Mad month! your winds go down the way And find the shoppers flocking. Right well they love with skirts to play Can you not teach them manners, pray? How very, very shocking! VEN the crying over spilled milk. cat says that there's no use bought a prince. *DE-FEAT STARED HIM IN THE FACE.” comicbooks.com