Judge, 1911-03-04 · page 5 of 24
Judge — March 4, 1911 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical article by Ellis Parker Butler humorously assigns telephone numbers to various professions and situations based on wordplay and puns. For example: a cigar dealer gets 2-4-6 (matching "a cheap suburban sport"), a bookmaker needs 9-2-1, and a farmer should have 8-0 on his list. The accompanying cartoon critiques middlemen and profiteers in supply chains. It depicts what appears to be theatrical producers or distributors extracting profits from entertainment. The caption states: "NOT DIRECT FROM PRODUCER TO CONSUMER... Here you and I have made this show, and powder center-stage coddler gets the profits." The satire targets excessive intermediaries marking up prices between creators and consumers—a recurring economic complaint of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Appropriate Telephone Numbers. PEAKING of telephone num- CX bers, a good number for a cigar dealer would be 2-4- 5, and a cheap suburban sport might as well be 4 Flushing as anything else. An Irishman wishing to dine would naturally calt up a place 2-8, but a Hinglishman ’aving to call up a blarsted, bloomin’ creditor regarding a bill would '8-2. A lover ordering a chair would want 1-4-2, and a newly wed couple wishing a flat would want 1- ; but the German n refusing to marry would shout 9! (Oh, how clever!) If you want to borrow you wish 4-2-0, and probably that is a money-lender’s > Um in Ss By ELLIS PARKER BUTLER, number; but if you only want a small loan from a friend you will wish 2-0-5. (That's pretty cute! What?) The bookmaker should have two *phones—9-2-1 for long shots and 4-2-5 for favorites. The man with a dog might call 6-6-6-6—(get that?)—and the farmer should put 8-0 on his list. (Put- eight-o, hey, what? - I rather guess that’s a rotten potato!) If two horses were in the running and 1-1-5-4 John, he would be a happy lad and his smile would be 2-2 Broad. (This is one I 8-2 Spring on you.) And if John spent the cash for liquor, I would ery 5-5-5-4 John! But that is just how 3 John is. His drinking is hades for his wife, but it’s 7-4 John. (What, ho!) (Honestly, I could keep this up all night!) If two of you wished to be wed, you would not have 2-8-4 Spring, because you could call 4-1 Rector to make you one immediately; and then, if tired of being united in one, you could go to a fat judge and let that 1-2 Broad- party-W again. (If you can’t see that, ask for Information. ) Postscript to ‘* Beautiful Snow." ‘HE SNOW, the snow, the purple snow! The kind that Cook and Peary know. All other kinds must now seem trite— Hail to the purple! Hang the white! NOT DIRECT FROM PRODUCER TO CONSUMER. “ Here you and I have made this show, and yonder center-stage coddler gets the profits.”” ** I've got no use for these middlemen.”? comicbooks.com