Judge, 1911-02-11 · page 18 of 24
Judge — February 11, 1911 — page 18: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several standalone comic pieces lampooning American institutions and social types circa early 1900s: **"A Very Little Pull"** mocks a man's frantic attempt to catch a departing train—the "pull" he needs is merely effort, but the train's mechanical pull proves stronger. **"How to Judge the Census Bureau"** satirizes civic boosterism and corruption: towns should immediately attack census officials if population gains seem insufficient, suggesting dishonesty in both bureaucracy and local pride. **"His Drawing Powers"** is a brief joke: an amateur artist draws well at everything except earning a salary—a common complaint about talented but unsuccessful artists. **"Anent a Legislature"** critiques state lawmakers as cheap (fifty-cent quality) yet expected to produce expensive laws, producing endless trivial legislation while engaged in petty graft and hotel-keeper bribery. The smaller pieces mock vengeful landlords, fortune-telling scams, and calculating "ultra-assayists" who reduce human kindness to percentages. The vaudeville joke references a stage mimic named Simian who'd apparently prospered through imitation.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A Very Little Pull. E PULLED himself together, For the train was pulling in, With a hundred yards to cover In the racket and the din! He sprinted and he \ é spurted, Rt og “Sie taty Hooppees" IX. He had twenty yards W, hyp -——ear— \ to cover, — And the train was pulling out! He yelled at the conductor, “Pull up!” Ob, it was tough! For the engine kept on pulling, For he hadn’t pull enough! How To Judge the Census Bureau. Y ASCERTAINING whether your town is credited with fifty per cent. gain. Otherwise attack the bureau immediately, as some mistake must have been made by a poor official. If the bureau has reached the maximum of efficacy, your little habitation should easily outrank all places near you. If you are credited with a lower population than your rivals, go immediately to your home daily and that editorially charges are preferred. You owe this to see yourself, your home town, and thé world at large. His Drawing Powers. 66\JOUR husband draws so well, I think,’’ said the caller, ‘tand he seems to be just as clever at landscapes as at figures.’’ “Yes,’’ replied the wife of the ama- teur artist. ‘‘He draws well at every- thing except a salary.’’ * Whew! Anent a Legislature. By VANCE C. CRISS. ANY a man is foolish enough to expect one-thousand- dollar laws from a fif- ty-cent statesman. It takes a country statesman to believe there is virtue not in the quality, but in the quantity of laws. It takes a boarding- house proprietor in a small capital to reduce pocketbook lifting to an exact science. Many a Legislature degenerates into an en- durance contest to see who can introduce the most bills. The legislator who grafts seldom saves any of his loot from the hotel proprietor. The lawyer isn’t the only legisla who spends most of his time before the bar. Revenge Is Sweet. SOT HAT party who gave up the third floor hallroom was a vindictive man,”’ says the landlady. “Mr. Gimsle?’’ answers the second- floor front. ‘‘Why, he impressed me as a very quiet, inoffensive sort of person “He seemed so; but what did he do but tack up a motto on the wall over the bed, reading, ‘Look Before You Sleep'!” HIS SPECIAL TALENT. “AS IN A LOOKING-GLASS." “Correct likeness of yourself sent and your fortune told for five dol- lars."". Young Gullerble in answer to the above advertisement receives a small looking-glass and is informed that he can tell his own fortune by counting his money Salvage. Hotel proprictor—*Was there any- thing of value in the trunk of that fel- low who jumped his bill?” Clerk—"T should say so. of our linen and silverware."’ It was full Ultra-assayists. OW OFTEN in our utter blindness We tread our better natures flat, And test the milk of human kindness For its per cent. of butter fat! It looks as if our friend Simian had grown exceedingly prosperous lately."” Why, he ’s made a fortune in the last two years as a stage mimic, doing imitations of the great actors of the day in vaudeville."” comicbooks.com