Judge, 1911-01-14 · page 10 of 24
Judge — January 14, 1911 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* contains several short satirical pieces typical of early-20th-century American humor magazines: **"The Goody, Goody Girl"** (by Carolyn Wells) satirizes unrealistic moral perfection. Lucy is portrayed as an impossibly well-behaved child who never misbehaves—the joke's punchline reveals she's entirely fictional, mocking sentimental literature that depicts implausibly virtuous heroines. **"And the Cat Turned Back"** uses a cat's logic to mock human behavior. The cat observes a warm meal but refuses it because it's "too warm," playing on contradictory human excuses and rationalizations. **"His 'Pen' Name"** is a pun: Smith, a literary man, wrote a bad check and now goes by "Convict 83"—his actual prison identification becomes his "pen name." **"Faith"** ironically describes a man who publicly scorns lawyers, doctors, and preachers as frauds, yet desperately employs all of them when he needs help. It mocks hypocrisy and fair-weather faith. The page also includes brief joke items about compromise, constitutional weakness, and divorce proceedings at Reno (then famous for lenient divorce laws).
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A Strong Constitution. WHEN a public official takes an oath to support the Constitution, there is no intention to reflect on the weakness of that document or to intimate that it isn’t perfectly able to support itself. Compromised. ACK SPRATT could eat no fat, His wife could eat no lean; So ’twixt them both they compromised Upon the lima bean. AND THE CAT TURNED BACK. 1, ‘No more warm milk, sonny. You ‘re old enough to get your own feed,—— 2. —— Now watch me, and when you seea nice, warm meal coming your way,— 4. ——That mouse must have come out of a red pepper box. The meal is to warm for me,"’ The Goody, Goody Girl. By CAROLYN WELLS. WHEN Lucy was an infant small She was a model child. She never, never cried at all, But only and smiled. slept And then when Lucy older grew, And tried to talk and toddle, She did no thing she oughtn’t to, But still behaved a model. When Lucy was, twelve years ol And growing tall and sightly, She did whatever she was told, And curtseyed most politely. “* Poor! At sixteen, Lucy was a dear; At eighteen, quite a beauty. She lived without a care or fear, And always did her duty. She was Perfection’s Perfect Pink— A character unflawed. Unworthy thoughts she could not think; Her mind was fair and broad, She said the things she ought to say, She acted as she should; She lived her life the noblest way— Oh, my, but she was good! ‘*What happened next?” you ask of me. Well, I can’t answer y I just made Lucy up, you She’s too good to be tr Can This Be True? 667 UNDERSTAND that Wrightson has made a fortune out of his play."” “Yes; and a queer thing about it is young that it was accepted by the first man- ager to whom it was offered."’ A Psalm of Ice. ET US, then, glide on the quicker; Ni fear the Il break. Still it’s freezing, still it’s slicker. Learn to stay up and to skate. Suitable Grounds. Attorney—On what grounds do you desire to sue for divorce?"’ Woman—*‘How about the court-house oy grounds at Reno? His **Pen’’ Name. MITH is a literary man, Though quite infamous, si He wrote a check upon a bank. His ‘‘pen’’ name’s Convict 83. HEARD IN UPPER FIFTH AVENUE IN 1975 Why, she hasn't a pair of wings to her back."’ Faith. By S. Be RISER. H OFFED at lawyers, them rogues, Said all were steeped in sin; But, being caught at breaking laws, He called six lawyers in. called He said the doctors all were quacks, Who practiced cunning tricks; But when a fever struck him down, He sent for five or six. He scorned the preachers, called them fools; But on a certain day He thought his time had come, Three preachers in to pray. and called FOR COLLEGE MEN. The strongest pair of supporters any student can get. Insures ease and comfort. No rub, no worry. comicbooks.com