Judge — December 24, 1910 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AAAS “Seeing America.” By EDWIN L. SARIN. LL READY! All abo-o-oard! Wait a minute! Hurry up, there! Just room for one more. Move along a little, please, and give the party a seat. All ready? Let her go, Mike! Sit tight, everybody. Here—we can’t have that kid throwing things out! His hat? Well, somebody in New York will find it. Now, ladies and gentlemen— Wait! If youeat bananas in this car, you must retain the skins. All right. I merely follow the regulations. Now, ladies and gentlemen, as we rise to the altitude of one thousand monoplane A TONSORIAL SUGGESTION eight hundred and sixty-four feet to avoid a new skyscraper, to the east, or behind, lies the broad Atlantic; to the north, or right, is Boston. That cold breeze is from Boston, not from the North Pole. To the southward, or on the left, is Washington City, the capital of our great nation. That shiny spot is the dome of the Capitol build- ing; that darkish spot, with whitish tinge, similar to it and below, on the ground, is President Taft playing golf. “*We are pointing due west, and are now SRC WeSaNag THE BUGVILLE MOTOR-BOAT CLUB HOLDS ITS ANNUAL REGATTA. far enough to dip up a bottle of Lake Erie, for a souvenir or to compare it with Lake Michigan, which also is in our route. But to save the trouble of getting back, the at- tendant in this car is provided with bottles of Lake Erie, which retail at only two bits, twenty-five cents, each. He will now dis- tribute them, on request. Some passengers like to bottle the smoke of the various cities, Bottles may be obtained, empty, from the attendant, at ten cents, one dime, each. The large, extra strong bottles nec- essary for Chicago are fifteen cents each. That blur ahead is Chicago. No, it isnota thunderstorm. Now on the right is Detroit City, fa- mous because of the Detroit Tigers; on the left is Toledo, where the mayor of Toledo lives. What's that? I didn’t catch the question. Those small spots? Tiffin and Kalamazoo. No, ma'am; we don’t stop at Kalamazoo to save freight on any stove. “Chicago, Chicago! Everybody tumble out for Chicago! That is the only way to see it. Excuse me! Only a joke! Of course it is impossible to tumble out of our machines. We never have had an accident of the kind since we've been operating. Yes, ma'am, this is Chicago below. How doI know? Because I can’t see it. If you could see it, then you'd know it wasn’t. Certainly, call that a joke if you wish. No, sir, we don’t stop here. Now, as we proceed, passengers on the north side will smell Milwaukee, on the south Peoria. Sorry, sir, but teetotalers must sit in the middle, then. They had their turn over the lakes. The attendant will distribute bottles of Michigan water, same price as Erie water. No charge for Chicago flavor. No, sir, we don’t go to Milwaukee. No, sir, we don’t go to Peor “Below us is the Mi: ppi River, Sou- venir bottles of it for sale by the attendant. out of New York. New Yorkers, however, need not be alarmed. Ahead are the Great Lakes. We are about to pass over the city of Cleveland. That puddle you see is Lake Erie. Passengers who like may drog out WHAT DID PAPA SAY? Visitor (being shown some juvenile efforts) —' Remarkable drawing for a child."" Artist (proudly) —"* Yes. All my children are artistically clever."’ Visiter—"* Really! Why, your wife must have talent." comicbooks.com