Judge — November 26, 1910 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DAA Meet tee “CURING A HAM." The Vacant Throne. by ESTELLE MAY NoLTE (Vite apologies to Fiel?.) HE THRONE of King Manuel is cov- ered with dust, Unused in the palace there; Its little gilt knobs are beginning to rust The knobs on the kingly chair. Time was when the King of that country was good, And the people did what they were told; But that was the time just before Manuel gave To a dancing girl jewels and gold. The Eyes and the Nose. T WAS Pat's first attendance at a meet- ing. When the chairman announced as the result of a vote that there were forty-two noes to twenty-one ayes, Pat began to fidget in his seat and then got upand started for the plat- “Sit down, there!"’ yelled the chairman. “No, begorra!’’ s: Pat, until I look this audience in the face. I want to see them humans what has “not more noses than eyes!"" A Cruel Retort. 66] AM WRITING an introduction for my book,"’ said Pencillotte enthusiastically. “lL would advise you,"’ said his tart friend, ‘*to write a recommenda- tion also."’ Attention, Housewives! A LAW prohibiting women from feeding tramps is about to be passed in York State. The right to provide them with food is not puted, but the new ruling will make it a penal offense to feed them. The Queen. Mrs. Woggs — ‘So she was the queen of the pure-food carnival?”” Mrs. Boggs—'*Yes; and you ought to have seen the coloring matter Old lady JUDGE Reflections of a Spark Plug. By GEORGE REITER BRILL. CHAUFFEUR, in the abstract, is any chap that drives an automobile. In the concret, he is the person whom you pay to let you ride in the tonneau, The word chauffeur comes from the French, and means something warm, like hot air. The chauffeur is commonly supposed to be human, but not necessarily humane. With him the killing of chickens is a pastime, and the maiming of pedestrians a fine art. He has no speed limit, and leads a fast life with little to chau-fer it. He has more brass than his machine, and a double molar has less nerve. ‘The average chauffeur is unbearable; but when driving a Fiat six, he is insufferable. Never careless about his appearance, except at court, he dresses like his employer and looks like thirty cents. He is usually in bad odor, and smells like numerous scents. One chauffeur can bankrupt two bankers, and sometimes earns more than his em- ployer ever did. He has three lives: the life he lives, the life he takes in his hands, and the life he ought to serve in jail. He has a set of rules which he never breaks, except when he is in the hospital, such as: Never go slow under any circumstances. Never blow horn except in front of a r be on time. ever show intelligence or look pleasant. NOT A NEW GAME. “* Here! What are you doing ?"" TIT FOR TAT. Miss Oldzwun—"' That polka-dot necktie you have on is very appropriate for you, a gambler.”’ Mr. Cards—"* Yes ; and I'suppose wyandot neck- ties would be very appropriate for an old hen,"’ Never take a curve on more than two wheels—it is unprofessional. Never slow down in time—it looks timid; while stripping the gears is spectacular and gives the impression of presence of mind. Never take another man’s dust unless it’s of the pocketbook variety. Never learn road rules. Never appreciate a good job. Never mend a tire; there is no commis- sion in it. Never be satisfied with your employer's machine. A good chauffeur will always smoke cig- arettes while filling the gasoline tank. Although never much of a sport, he will give you a run for your mon- ey, if you happen to have enough. A rich man has no more show with a chauffeur than a camel has with the eye of a needle. A Happy Song. Ge? times coming by and by, Joy fills full our cup; Aviators in the sky, Things are looking up. What the Mirror Tells. by ELLIS 0. JONES. IRRORS are honest, uprightand, above all things, truthful. And yet human beings are so constituted that they often misinterpret what the mirror tells. If, for instance, an ugly woman thinks she is beautiful, as most of them do, she will not be disillusioned by looking into her mirror. In what the mirror shows her she will see only her own idea of beauty. A woman will puff and powder and paint and pinch and plume herself, gaze into the glass and behold the perfection of pulchritude. Poor Richard Revised. N° EARLY to bed, but early to rise t Bad boy—" Nuttin’. Just a new game we're playin’, called ! * de cost of livin’,’ an’ I''m de ultimate consoomer.”” on her cheeks! Puts the aviator high in the skies. comicbooks.com