Judge — November 12, 1910 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

! bs 1 DOUBLY LOST. “Oh, dear! here 's a wireless message from George. He's in his aeroplane, lost in a fog, and can't find the yacht !"" THE NEIGHBOR—MISS KILLJOY. By ALICE BORROFF. OOD-MORNING, Mrs. Brown. I suppose I look per- fectly dreadful, but you know how it is; one just hates to dress for the day so early in the morning, my suit is at the tailor’s. What doI Why, I wanted to and, anywa want? Oh—yes—of course! know if I could use your 'phone. “Thanks, awfully. You know, mamma said I must be a great bother, but I told her that you were only too glad to have your neighbors help you pay for your 'phone. How are you? Been up with the baby? Oh, heavens! Why didn’t your husband get up? If it had been me, I would have made him. You just bet, if I were married, my hubbie would toe the mark! I'll come down some time and give you a few pointers on the subject. I’m sure you'd learn something. “Oh, s I wonder if I could see the baby! Oh, yes, I'll wait; I'm notin any hurry. Oh, is this he? My, how homely he is! Looks just like his father! Oh, of course I didn’t mean that! How old did you say he is? Four months. He's mighty small. I'll bet he’ll be a dwarf. Of course I don’t want to scare you, but I shouldn't be at all surprised. And, say, how big his Do you know what they say about children with large heads? You don’t! Oh, how ignorant you are! Of course you you poor young thing! I'll just tell you. They —they —grow up to be—fools! And to think that you didn’t know that! **You don’t look well. I’ve noticed how pale you have been since I have been he: I never did believe in young mothers. I am sure your husband is cruel. He probably beats you. Oh, why don’t you get adivorce? I would if I were you. I'll help you, really; one needs friends at such a time. Oh, dear, it is so sad! I can see my name in huge headlines on the front page of the paper, as the principal witness in the latest divorce scandal. And the child— I’m sure your husband will try to get him. head is! They all do; but we will succeed. Oh, and to think you're so young! I always was so tender-hearted. Never mind, dear! “Do you know, I have been looking at the baby and he looks dreadfully puny. I'll bet he won't live the week out. If I were you, I'd call the doctor right ‘up. And why do you dress him white clothes? It is such an extravagance! I saw some calico for two or three cents a yard at the Boston Store, and it would be so sensible for him. Do you know, I think I could teach you loads of things, and I’m such good company, for I think it is dreadful for any one to frighten another by needless gossip. That's one thing I loathe; and, then, I am so cheerful—yes, I think I would be very good company for you. Oh, dear, I must use that telephone! I'll be back in just a minute. Where did yon say the ‘phone is? In the dining-room? Of course! As if I hadn't used it before! “Hello, Central! I've forgotten m: I want—oh, let’s see—wait just a second! number, but I'll think of it in just a jiffy. Can't wait all year? Well, who asked you to wait? You might have a little patience, though. I’ve got a temper as well as you, and I want you to understand that I'll take as long as I please. Let’s see—oh, yes, | want 409—no, 403—no, that’s not it—it’s 401. There, I told you I had a good memory! What exchanged? Why, I don’t want anything exchanged! I want my number, though, and mighty quick! (Aside.) I never saw such fresh girls!) They'd walk right over you if you'd let them. Central, I want Drexel 401— Waiting for the Drexel? Why, I told you that ages ago. “Oh, yes, I stopping that buzzing sound. Oh, hello, is that you, Betty? What's the matter now? “Drop the nickel? I did— Oh, here it is! Well, I never had such a time trying to talk to my best friend! What's the did, and I wish you would kindly oblige me by I’m nearly deaf already from it. comicbooks.com