Judge — November 5, 1910 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE MOVEMENT STRIKES THE JUNGL * Begorra, they're makin’ monkeys ov Policeman O' Raw thimsilves all right, all right !"" The Portuguese President. By McLANDBURGH WILSON H, HAPPY land of Portugal! We wonder if you know it, Congratulations shou!d be yours. Your President a poet. In messages no uplift bee Will buzz within his bonnet; Instead of moral diatribe: He'll write for you a sonnet. The tariff, currency, et al. Will cause no struggle mental; Instead, he'll show you how to write An ode to Spring, the gentle. And if you should ungrateful be, I know just how to bear it Rejection of material Implies no lack of merit. A Touch of Family Life. HEN the country the city girl, he ree tional assurance that she would be hi ter. It happened that this youth had sis at home and knew exactly his privileg So he kissed her. “At this juncture she availed herself of the sisterly right to call out to father that brother was teasing her. Father responded in good, muscular earnest. Then the ister relation was dissolved by mutual consent. ‘outh propose ved the conven- new brother-and: _— “SHIPS THAT PASS IN THE NIGHT JUDGE A Guilty Conscience. By JOUN B. ROSSER. WHEN the young couple married, a friend, who laid claims to being somewhat of a magician, presented them with a tall bottle of transpar- ent liquid, instructing them to place it upon their mantel, and explaining that, if either cf them ever dared to flirt, the contents of the bottle would as sume a murky color. After they had been married a year, the wife went to the for a vacation. In her husband fre- seashore her absence quently entertained a group of bachelor friends, with amusements thoroughly bach- clor-l but innocent enough. The guests inquired as to the significance of the tall bottle on the mantel, but the host persist- ently refused to divulge the secret. Finally, on the night before the day set for his wife's return, he explained the meaning of the mysterious bottle. One of the guests, who was much given to practical joking, surrepti- tiously removed the cork of the bottle, into which he emptied the contents of his fountain pen. When the bottle had been thoroughly shaken, it was re- laced upon the mantel and fully concealed behind a large photograph. Next day, after the wife had dusting the tel the photograph, ng the tall bottle with its sable contents, She very promptly took the bottle to the sink, emptied it, rinsed it out thor- oughly, filled it with clear water, and re- placed it on the mantel. returned, Maw proposes and the girl disposes. Absent Wisconsinite. The MX HEART ’s in Milwaukee, My heart ’s not here; My heart ’s in Milwauk: A-rushing the beer! He Knew Women. 66 Q@ IR,” says the inventor to the capitalist, “I have invented a corkscrew that will sell on sight to every woman in this land. I want you to back me."* ‘What kind of a corkscrew it?” asks the capitalist. “Instead of being twist as the ordinary corkscrew it is made exactly like fork.” COLLEGE a kind of mental reservation. A DRY BATTERY. Earned the Tip. SO\VVAITER,”” says the guest, ‘‘here’s a quarter for you if you will tell me what's best to eat to-day.”” “Thank you, sir,’’ replies the waiter, pocketing the coin. ‘‘The best thing to eat to-day is the braised mutton chops at the restaurant two blocks down street.’” ONE NAIL EQUALS WHAT? A little lesson in arithmetic for automobilists. History. By WILBUR D. NESBIT. ISTORY is made by one set of men and written by another. The character of the written history de- pends upon the politics of the historian. Most histories are written many years after the history was made. In these cir- cumstances no one can step forward and dispute the historian. History is studied at school and forgot- ten at home. We are told to judge the future by the past—and after we read the histories we are as badly muddled as ever. Some statesmen make history—but most of them make speeches. Literally. 66E-ERE are a lot of suggestions from outsiders as to how to run this spaper. See that they are carried out."" “Yes, sir,’’ said the office-boy, and, put- ting them all in a waste-paper basket, promptly carried them out. ne soy JHAT is a sinking fund for?"’ “To meet the floating debt.’” comicbooksico