Judge — September 24, 1910 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

From the Book of Bildad. HE HUMOR of a woman lies not so much in the tales she tells, my lad, as in the way in which she tells them unto thee. Love laughs at lock- smiths, oh, my son, be- cause, being blind, he has no use for keyholes. When thou at last hast won the Only One, my boy, heed not the cynie’s jeers, for two hearts that beat as one beat all. In building character avoid veneer and let thy mortar be well mixed of equal parts of high resolve and virtue. * Beware of love at first sight, my son, for in its depths lie hidden pools wherein ali- mony blooms. To take things as they come is, on the MONEY TALKS. Willie Bug—" It must be a new style of phonograph. ‘They say it talks; but I'm hanged if I can find the place to wind it up !"" whole, an excellent proceeding if they’re yours to take; not otherwi The zenith of hard times is reached when Peter demands security for your borrowings to liquidate your debt to Paul. When money talks to thee, make no reply, but place it under lock and key, lest in the end its converse smacks of valedictory. The heights and lower levels oft are found on common planes. "Tis but a step from the depths of folly to the heights of woe. The power of the sword depends upon the holder, but the penholder hath naught to do with the power of the pen, whence is it true the pen is smitier than the sword. A poet hath said that a drop of ink may make a million think, but more often doth it prove the incapacity for thought of him who uses i Restitution does not always cure a wrong. Eve brought the world about our ears when she gave the apple unto Adam, and in another age, when Paris gave it back to Venus, war broke out again. It is probably true, as the sage hath said, that ‘Love will find a weigh.’’ The scale is oftenest found. upon some lover's knee while he is making experiments to ascertain if he can support the lady of his choice. THE MAGNETIC POLE TO THE LITTLE SHAVER. Daffynitions. IGHT-ROPE walker—A person who has a steady ) job. Awning maker—A man whose purpose in life is to put other businesses in the shade, and does. Baseball—A game which is not as bad as its name suggests. Bigamy—An over-issue of matrimonial bonds. Carriage wheel—A part of a carriage which does not begin to work until it is tired. Coal dealers—A class of business men who lie in weight for you, Colleges—Institutions of learning that always retain their faculties. Dead letter—A letter that died at its post. Dentist—About the only man who lives from hand to mouth and always looks pros- perous. Fame—An elevation to which people are placed so that the public may get a better chance to throw mud at them. Fire engine—A water pitcher. Fly fishing—Reel sport. Hansom—A vehicle that is anything but handsome. HIS SECRET. “ Thave a deep secret. Promise me you will not divalge it to a soul."* TO THE BIG SHAVER. “1 Remember, I Remember.” (A Soap and Lather Adaptation.) By HARROLD SKINNER REMEMBER, I remember the house where I was born; The jimson weeds, the cockleburs, the mud, the dinner horn, The cabbage patch, the onion bed, the razor- backs, the plow, The leaky boat, the cheeky goat, the mort- gage, and the cow. I remember, I remember my father’s bar- ber shop; But better still do I recall his joke about a cop, . And how my mother used to glare and grind her teeth and P' That joke was new at Water- loo—dad’s telling it to- day. I remember, I remember our neighbor, Silas Flynn, And recollect his ghastly face and overawful grin; And Flora Flynn, the wife of Si, and Jim the harness man— When father spoke about that joke they all got up and ran. I remember, I remember the overflowing creek, Which caused some travelers to stay at father’s for a week; That one of them, the second day, rushed riverward like mad, Left cart and team, and swam the stream to get away from dad. I remember, I remember my cousin Anne- belle, Who came to father’s house one day to visit “for a spell””; When dad’s joke had resounded from its thirty-seventh crack, She grabbed her bag and jumped her nag— and never did come back! Mr. Chappie. E WONDERS self how his bills he pays, Ashe goes at such ‘a clip, Though the hardest thing he finds to raise Is the hair on his upper lip. INNER belle— The prettiest girl at a banquet. A LAY FIGURE. comicbooks.com