Judge — September 10, 1910 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE Auto Page Song of the Auto. (Continued apologies.) By MYRTLE CONGER. e streets with “‘ honks, * loud; I make such sudden sallies; I scurry out among the crowd ‘And chase men into alleys. If some rebel, I run them down; I race right through the masses. Tam the lord of every town; I recognize no classes. A thousand nifty tricks I know; My chief one is to sever. For horses come and horses go, But I have come forever. 1A Lary j I clatter over country ways, In dangerous sharps and treb’ And dusty hurricanes I raise, And scatter dirt and pebbles. “Gone is the man of the norse, ‘The fellow who bought oats and meal ; No more of dry measure for him, t With dizzy curves the roads I fr O’er many a bill and hollow; “The sanguinary pace I set None but my kind can follow. ‘There's a tank on the automobile."* Latest in Chantecler Hats. presauce ‘as the rage for the new Chan- tecler hats has penetrated to this coun- try, the following table, showing the bird designs of hats appropriate for the different types of the fair sex, has'been prepared for the women readers of Jupce. Each one is guaranteed to be chic. Lark For the farmer's daughtef. Pheai For the millionaire’s wife Eagle For the June bride , Dove For the watchful woman Hawk For the burglar's wife > Robin For the flirt Goose Humming-bird Crow Mocking-bird For the singer , For the boastful woman For the impersonator: For the woman of Puritan ancestry . . Plymouth Rock For the convict's wife Pen-guin “* Gone isthe chap, once so stack et ing us in with a ree For the boxer's wife Spar-row doe hapaer edd Senn Core For the suffragette Hen or Buzzard He's gone on the automobile."” For the maniac's wife Raven ; 1 wind about and in and out; To scare men is my motto. For men may come and men may go, But few can own an auto, I slip; I slide; I skid; I glance Among the fleeing farmers. I make the barnyard natives dance; I chase the rural charmers, Then on, once more, toward the town, The strong winds quickly sever, To run the scared pedestrians down, Forever and forever! Motoring Proverbs. ONEY makes the car go. A hired car never needs oiling. For want of a car the girl was lost. Never look a gift car under the hood. ‘Tis the stalled car that vexes, It's a lucky car that has no overturning. There is no use crying over spilt gasoline. You can drive a car at a hill, but you can’t make it climb. It's @ poor car that can’t raise enough dust to hide its own number. PeCaOr: u “Gone 1s de gurl of me heart— An’ she wus a peach fur a spiel, She loved de guy wid a roll— She's gone in his automobile."* “ My bloomin’ job Kas gone to pot, For the shoes I sell are steel, While naught but rubber ones are worn On every automobile.” Old Maid Maxims. By ELLIS 0. JONES. MISS is as good as a Mrs. A cat in the lap is worth two in ths alley. . Troubles always come singly. It suits me to a tea. ¥ What every woman ‘‘no’s.”” Two negatives donot make an affirmative. A Correction. 66 AJOW, Caroline,” said the teacher of the infant class in a certain Sun- day school, ‘it’s your turn. What does your little card say?”” Caroline climbed off her chair and stood looking earnestly at the teacher while she explained, ‘‘ My card is wrong, Miss Apple- ton, It says, ‘Watch and pray,’ and it should tch and chain,’ "* ‘ JF WE can’t get the Maine up in any other way, why not let the tariff'do it? Asa safety-raiser it holds the record. HEALTHY insurgents never let facts foil their flow of flippant and fatuous folly. “Gone the fat pile in the bank, ‘The balance that once was so real, Alas and alack ! faded’s the stack, It’s gone in an automobile."