Judge, 1910-08-27 · page 17 of 20
Judge — August 27, 1910 — page 17: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page parodies Eugene Field's "Tribune Primer," a children's educational text, using absurdist humor to mock genteel instruction manuals. The satirical "lessons" describe mundane or ridiculous scenarios in overly formal language: a hired girl committing suicide via coal oil, a hack driver (reformed train robber) robbing drunk passengers, a mother beating a boy with a shingle, and an oyster being reused at multiple church fairs as a fundraising scheme. The humor targets both Victorian moral instruction and everyday American hypocrisy—the contradiction between proper behavior and actual conduct. References like "Baxter's Saints' Rest" (religious literature) underscore the gap between preached virtue and practiced vice. The Miller High Life beer advertisement frames the page, creating ironic juxtaposition between the product's claims of quality and the cynical worldview presented in the satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Ht LFE That Better BEER ALWAYS THE SAME DELICIOUS FLAVOR af 11h 11 OE HET I BREWED IN MILWAUKEE Some Review Lessons from Eugene Field’s Tribune Primer. ‘THE EDITOR'S VALISE. Here we Have a Valise. Weigh Four hundred Pounds, Valise of an Editor. Three Socks and a Bottle and a Book. There is Something in the Bottle. May- be it is Arnica for the Editor's Sore Finger. The Book is Baxter's Saints’ Rest. The Socks got into the Valise by Mistake. Perh: the Bottle will get into the Editor by Mistake. WILLIAM AND THE GIRL. The Girl has pretty Eyes and Red Lips. She is going to Take a Walk in the Star Lit Glen, where the Cricket chirps in the Hedge and the Jiggers play Walk in the , too, He will Meet the Girl and they will Talk about the Weather. We wouldn't Give a Cent for that Piece of Court Plaster on the It does not It is the In the Valise are | ‘THE HACK-DRIVER, What is the Man in a Big Coat and Broad Hat? It is a Hack-driver. What lis a Hack-driver? He frequently is a Reformed Train-robber. He dors not Rob Trains any more, but he Robs poor Young men who are too Full to Walk Home at Night. William is Going to - Girl's chin by the Time the Girl gets ° Back home. THE LAP. The Mother has made a Lap. The Boy is in the L He is Looking at the Carpet. What has the Mother in her Hand? Hand. What will she Do with the Shingle? She will Put it Where it will Do the Most Good. THE DEEP WELL. The Well is very Dark and Dee There is Nice Cool Water in the V If you Lean way Over the Side, ma you will Fall in the Well and down in the Dear Water. We will Give you some Candy if you will Try. There is a Sweet Little Birdie in the Bottom of the Well. Your Mamma would be sur- prised to find you in the Well, would she not? " . Drink? She has a Shingle in her * “WHERE ARE YOU GOING, MY PRETTY MAID?" Yes, whenever he is invited. He will also smoke one of your Cigars if you Urge him. Will the Hack- driver stop the Hack at the Corner and let you Walk the Rest of the Way to the House so you may Tell your Wife you Walked all the Way Home? He will, by a large ma- ‘jority. Does the Hack-driver\ MAMMA'S SCISSORS. | THE HIRED GIRL. These are Mamma’s Scissors. They) This is a Hired Girl. She has Some- do not Seem to be in goxl Health. | thing in her Hand. It is a Can, and Well, they are a little Aged. They there is Coal Oil ‘inside. The Hired have’ considerable Work to Do. Mam-|Girl is going to Light a Fire in the 8 them to Chop Kindling, cut Kitchen Stove. She has been Disap- , pull Tacks, drive Nails, cut pointed in Love and Desires to Die. the children’s Hair, punch new Holes in She will Put some of the Oil in the Stove and Light it with a Match. In about half a Minute she will be Twang- ing a Gold Harp among the Elect in Heaven. THE OYSTER. | Here we have an oyster. It is going toa Church Fair. When it Gets to the Fair it will Swim around in a big Ket- tle of Warm Water. A Lady will Stir |it with a Spoon and sell the Warm | Water for Forty Cents a pint. Then the Oyster will move on to the next Fair, In this Way, the Oyster will visit all the Church Fairs in Town, and Bring a great many Dollars into the ;Church Treasury. The Oyster goes a great Way in a Good Cause. THE BABY. Here we have a baby. posed of a Bald Head and |Lungs. One of the Lungs takes while the Other runs the Shop. them is always On Deck all of the Time. The Baby is a Bigger man than his |Mother. He likes to Walk around with |hie Father at Night. The Father does the Calendar, slice Bar soap, pound| Most of the Walking and All of the beef Steak, open tomato Cans, Shear Swearing. Little Girls, you will Never the New Foundland dog and cut out her Know what it is to be a Father. New silk Dress, Why doesn’t Papa get Mamma a new Pair of Scissors? THE MUD. You should not Ask such a Naughty! The Mud ie in the Street. The Lady question. Papa cannot Afford to Play has on a pair of Red Stockings. She is Billiards and Indulge his Extravagant Trying to Cross the Street. Let us all Family in the Luxuries of Life. | give Three cheers for the Mud. Tt i | In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com