Judge — July 9, 1910 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Burglars’ Gazette. (Concluded from a preceding page.) annual convention at Altoona last February, is 80 inconceivable that we not only have no sympathy for Smithers in his present pre- dicament, but trust that he will be heavily fined by the committee on discipline and barred from the further practice of his profession for as long a time as the regulations permit. The law committee appointed at the last general assembly of the Brother- hood of Burglars of the United States, to investigate the propriety of having the police indicted by the grand jury as a trust operating in restraint of, trade, has reported that in its judg- ment the time is not ripe for drastic action, owing to the existence in certain quarters of an undeniable prejudice against our pro- fession. On mature reflection we are in- clined to believe that the committee is right; but, none the less, this matter must not be lost sight of. We hear every day of inter- ferences by the police with our fellow-crafts- men, and we must not leave a stone un- turned to right the wrongs to which for many years burglars in all parts of the world have been subjected. We have received from the Moyamensing Press a copy of a useful little volume, en- titled ‘‘ The Burglara’ Baedeker.”” It gives a list of all the wealthy families in the lead- ing cities of the United States, with dia- grams of the interior of their houses and a full description of their average contents, the location of safes, silver closets, jewel R NOT HIS FAULT. Houservife—" This milk is awfully blue." Milkman-* There! I told the boss that he didn't put enough chalk in this morning !"" cabinets, and so forth. A cursory reading of the volume inspires us with the belief that any one who digests the useful informa- tion it contains can find his way about any house worth robbing.in the land without the use of a dark lantern or any other light whatsoever. It is intended to issue the volume quarterly, in order that its jnforma- tion may be strictly up to date. For Sale: One full kit—jimmy, used only twice; chloroform bottle and funnel, set of false keys, mask, dark lantern, slung-shot, THE YARNS OF CAPTAIN FIBB. 1, ‘* Always remember, children, that it pays to be kind to dumb beasts. Oncet when we waz in the ‘South Seas we spies a flock of whales headin’ fer |. —— Bimeby we looks around and sees a ter’- ! sight! The ship wuz afire and a thick cloud smoke wuz a-pourin’ up through the hatchway ! could see in a jiffy that the ship wuz lost ! — noiseless pocket revolver, dynamite lay-out, saws, cold chisels, gumshoes, and folding rope ladder. Owner will sell cheap, owing to temporary retirement from business. Ad- dress, Burglars’ Gazette, Box 32.—Adv. What We Want from Mr. Taft. By AMOS k. WELLS. EAR Mr. Taft, so smiling sweet, So quiet-kind And most agreeable to meet, Say, are you blind? The country’d rather have a frown Breeding disma: We want—and wan A grand-stand play. done up brown— Where are your thrillers, flaming fire, Taunt tournaments, Such as we properly desire From Presidents? This calmness, this judicial air Is not the way; Give us the boom, the blast, the blare, The grand-stand play. We do not care for balanced phrase Of bench and bar; We want the glitter and the blaze Of wordy war. We do not seek the level view, The steady ray; But all the country wants from you A grand-stand play. Come, get a move on, Mr. Taft! Cut out your desk. Be noisy, be a little daft, Be picturesque. We want to be amused, and thrilled, And jarred, and gay; We want, in flaming letters billed, ‘A grand-stand play. 2. —— We could see they wuz hungry, and look- in’ fer somethin’ to eat. So I orders up all the squabs and plum doff we had in the galley and feeds them whales right royally. — 5. —— Bat shiver me taffrail with a jack-knife if them whales didn’t see the fire and come back! In 2 minnit they bad a dozen streams of water pourin’ on the blaze, ——~ 3, —— Well, they wuz tickled to death with the spread. ‘Thankin’ me very kindly, they went their ways, lookin’ very happy and contented-like, — ¢€. — And in fifteen minnits there wum't a spark of fire left and the ship wuz saved! Yessiree, it wuz bein’ kind to them whales that done it."