Judge, 1910-06-25 · page 3 of 25
Judge — June 25, 1910 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical story mocks an inventor pitching a cooling device to a newspaper editor during an oppressively hot summer day. The inventor claims his contraption—a "Dog Day Collar"—can keep people cool by circulating ammonia-filled brine through flat aluminum piping worn around the neck. The joke targets both the absurdity of the invention itself and the editor's skeptical, dismissive response. The satire reflects late 19th/early 20th-century anxieties about heat, technology, and dubious patent schemes. The phrase "Dog Days" refers to summer's hottest period, making the device name darkly comic. Judge uses this scenario to ridicule over-engineered "solutions" to everyday problems and gullible inventors seeking funding.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ALL THE COMFORTS OF WINTER. A Summer Story atout an Invention To Keep People Cool Regardless of the Temperature. By WILLIAM J LAMPTON. |b WAS one of those hot days—one of those white-hot days when the humidity was chasing the temperature up the tube and the sun had shoved the clouds out of the way so that it could have an unobstructed view of the race. The editor sat at his desk, wondering if his hereafter hadn't got in ahead of time, and a flock of flies hummed dreamily over the paste-pot. The sanctumsanc was simmering in sweaty somnolence and the world outside was chin-deep in August. Hazily the editor saw the door swing slowly open and a man come through, who walked straight to the desk and took the only vacant chair in sight. “Is this cool enough for you?” he inquired, by way of greeting. The editor mopped his brow with what looked like a yesterday's dishrag. “If you refer CABLE to the weather," he wens replied, with a frown of unwel- come, ‘it is not; but if you refer to your manner of coming in here, I should say that it was cooler than I am accustomed to.”” “Ha, hat” said the visitor, without the sem- blance of a smile. “Ha, ha! Some editors make jokes and some take them."” “Tf you think you have any that I will take, you have another think coming.”” “T haven't, sir,” drawing back stiffly, as though affronted by the im- plication. ‘I deal only in serious ma- terial. Iam an in- nT ital Ly ~ IN THE HOTEL CORRIDOR. NEXT, A FASHION TICKER. ventor, sir, and came in to offer you something for use in hot weather."’ “Does it make a noise like ice clinking in a glass?’’ in- quired the editor, like a voice crying in the desert. “It is not one thing I have, sir, but several. I have '’. “The more, the sooner we get to them,"’ broke in the edi- tor, preparing to hasten. The visitor made no sign of movement. “** Pardon me,"’ he said, ‘‘but what I have is different. Let me explain."* The editor sank back into his chair, unable to offer any resistance. “Have you ever heard of my Dog Day Collar?’* inquired the visi- tor. The editor put his hand up to his neck. He took it away in disgust. “All need is a bone and a hank of hair to be a vampire lady,”’ he said querulously. “Not if you wear my Dog Day Collar. You see, it’s this way. I make it of two-ply aluminum, with a space between. Through this space I run two lines of flat piping filled with ammonia brine warranted to keep the tempera- ture down to the frost line. Per- spiration has no ef- fect upon the alu- minum, and there youare. The blood which fills the big veins and arteries Wee (Continued in a section) comicbooks.com