Judge — June 25, 1910 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S ALPHABET FOR BASE- BALL FANS. JOHNNY EVERS. OF THE CHICAGO NATIONALS. = E is for wee Jobnny Evers, Who's nimble and spry as a flea. [| No matter where balls may be batted, ‘There Johnny is sure to be. At making safe hits he 's a wonder, stealing" be 's quick asa flash, At Chicago believes that this midget Is worth his full weight in cold cash. CONSOLATION, By J. WILMA REIMAN, HUSH-A-BY, piggie, don’t you cry! You'll be a sausage by and by. Then glad, wild ways of pigdom days WHERE THEY ARE SPENDING THEIR SUMMER VACATIONS. BOOKKEEPING. By HENRY WALDORF FRANCIS HE ADDED up the figures she had jotted in her book, She counted up the money in her purse; But the balance wouldn't balance, though at it her head she shook, And ev'ry time she tried it came out worse! A dollar there was missing, so the total once would say, And next a dollar too much showed on hand; And despite the ancient proverb which their truthfulness as- serts, The figures seemed to lie to beat the band! She bit upon her pencil till the point was wholly gone, And her paper looked like flies a-playing ball; The balance which the figures showed, with what she had on hand, Persistently would not agree at all! Then at last in desperation she looked at some accounts ‘Some companies had issued of their state, And a knowledge came upon her how to straighten out the thing, In @ way so very simple it was great! So it worried her no longer to balance the account— An ordinary thing it seemed to be. She smiling wrote, “ $/—account Profit and Loss," The doing which was certainly easy! But I guess she only did what some great bookkeepers do (Look at corporation statements you have got) Just juggled with the figures and made “ Profit and Loss Like charity, of sina cover a lot! W'! 1EN YOU go in search of the milk of human kindness don’t take along a pail. POETRY KILLED BY LUXURY. By GERTRUDE MiKENZIE. It doesn’t matter WHERE you spend your vacation. The important thing is to have a supply of | EVANS’ ALE. rina (tiederever you are HE POET can do better work If he just starves and pines, Because, if he should once grow stout, He'd lose his graceful lines. The poet who is deep in debt Can sing at loftier pitch. How could a man compose an “Owed” If out of debt and rich? The poet must eat simple food ; Tae it with you wherever you ge : For dainties rare, I'm sure, C. H. EVANS & SONS, - HUDSON, N. Y-/ Inquiged in with a poet's taste, Would make an epic-cure. | \ THE OLD-TIME SPELLING BEE. By VICTOR A. HERMANN HERE'S of moving-picture shows And bright arcades to-d Where every city youngster goes To pass the time away; But we knew not of such delights, And the only place, by gee! We had to spend the winter nights Was at the spelling bee! lots You'd see the young folks coming in Wherever we would meet, And then the fun would soon begin, To find a choice seat. For Si was ‘‘gone’’ on Lucy Brown, And Lem on Susan Lee, And spooning never brought a frown Down at the spelling bee! rxes’s name was often heard, Ypsilanti, and some more; “Constantinople is very hard word.”* (That rank chestnut of yore!) But if you had your sweetheart there, You'd hold her hand and see What space’ there was between each chair Down at the spelling bee! And often, while you held her hand, Jim Cobb, the village scamp, Would reach ‘across the table and Turn down the old green lamp. I swan no moving-picture show Could beat the fun, by gee! For while the old green lamp was low, We had a kissing bee! EXPLICIT. ¢ LOW long must I wear my bathing suit?" asks the lady. “Until you get back into your bath house, ma’am,”” answers the information clerk. AN OMISSION ABOUT that list of jokers ten— May twenty-first— I think G. Burgess took his pen And did his worst. It seems he is a careless cuss, For, oh, gee whiz! He left out old Anonymous— The best there is! Cuartes C. Jones. Kansas City, Mo. In answering ativertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. Will be forgotten in sau-sage. GLENN H. CURTISS has shown how to make a [little airship go a long way. A DETERMINED WOMAN FINALLY FOUND A FOOD THAT CURED HER. “When I first read of the remarkable effects of Grape-Nuts food, I determined to secure some," says a woman of Salis- bury, Mo, “At that time there was none kept in this town, but my busband ordered some from a Chicago traveler. “Thad been greatly afflicted with sudden attacks of cramps, nausea, and vomiting. Tried all sorts of remedies and physicians, but obtained only tem- porary relief, As soon as I began to use the new food the cramps disappeared and have never returned. “My old attacks of sick stomach were a little slower to yield, but by continuing the food that trouble has | disappeared entirely. I am to day per- fectly well, can eat anything and every: thing I wish, without paying the penalty that I used to. We would not keep [house without Grape-Nuts. | “My husband was so delighted with the benefits I received that he has been |recommending Grape-Nuts to his cus- tomers and has built up a very large trade on the food. He sells them by the case to many of the leading physi- cians of the county, who recommend |Grape-Nuts very generally. There is some satisfaction in using a really scientifically prepared food Read the little book, ‘The Road to Wellville,”” in packages. ‘There's a Reason."” Ever read the above letter? A new one appears from time to time. They are genuine, true, and full of human interest. THE REASON WHY. First bachelor—‘* What was the mat- ter with that fellow? Every time he said about three words he seemed to hesitate.”” Second bachelor—* That's easy. He's married.” EVERYTHING in this world seems to have a mission, excepting those | mission table lamps.