Judge, 1910-06-18 · page 8 of 16
Judge — June 18, 1910 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from the satirical magazine *Judge* contains several distinct pieces: **"Fat Globules"** mocks the uneven distribution of weight on men versus women, using humorous observations about body composition and social attitudes toward dieting. **"Butcher's Art"** shows a grotesque face made of sausages—a crude visual pun suggesting butchers might create such decorative displays "in honor of Roosevelt's homecoming," likely satirizing President Theodore Roosevelt's return from hunting or travel. **"The Special Ambassador"** is a brief joke about Roosevelt's baggage entering duty-free because "he will come home as a returning diplomat"—poking fun at Roosevelt's diplomatic importance or pretensions. **"Song of the Graduates"** is nostalgic verse about college students leaving dormitories, with a riddling final stanza about what they're "hast'ning home for." **"A Bachelor"** offers a definition joke: a bachelor is a man who can't convince the right girl to marry him. The remaining illustrated vignettes appear to be unrelated short comic observations about fishing and fire hydrants.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE FAT GLOBULES. by WILBUR D. NesBrT. ‘AT IS what thin folks wish for and fat folks wail about. The trouble about being fat is that nobody is ever fat all over. Fat is like wealth—unevenly distributed. It is apt to change a man's equator into a horizon. A fat man cannot accomplish the wonders with his waist line that ‘a fat woman can. Maybe he can, but he won't. A fat man will allow his belt to go as far as it likes, but a fat woman will insist upon conforming herself to her belt. It would be all right if a man could gradually grow fat sym- BUTCHER'S ART. ‘There is art even in the humblest bologna sausage. Here is a suggestion for a butcher's decoration in honor of Roosevelt's homecoming. He first knows he metrically, but the truth is he grows fat locall though he had swal- is fat when he realizes that au naturel he look: lowed a watermelon. A woman will do anything to rid herself of fat. A man won't. It would be fine for thin people if they could delude themselves that they are plump us easily as fat people can convince themselves that they don’t really look tobe as bigas they are. There is one blessing about fatness —it begets philosophy. A fat man can swelter through the hot weather and be happy. He knows that, while the heat only makes a thin person red and angry, it is melting pounds off of him. NEW VERSION. EY, diddle-diddle, how students all fiddle! The Senior's head's a balloon! The little Fresh longs to be a sport, ‘And the Co-ed runs off for to spoon! THE SPECIAL AMBASSADOR. Knicker —‘* The baggage of the Roosevelt party will be admitted free of duty because he will come home as a returning diplomat.” Bocker—' Well, if he thought up that scheme himself, he is one."” THEN HE MOVED. HIS LINES were cast in pleasant places, 6 ad Far from the maddening crowd; [ti PRY He was feeling fine till he saw the sign: |fI* NG? ie ai “No Fishing Here Allowed.’’ pul \ THERE'S A REASON. “ Why are you putting so many fire hydrants on this corner ?"" “Coz there 's goin’ to be some fire proof buildin’s put up here." SONG OF THE GRADUATES. By CHARLES Around the dormitories now Some hundreds of us hurry. JONES. Grit empty is our bitter cup, Inkindness fades—we're packing up— And all is fret and flurry! Rejected is the college yell, E’en though we once did bless i Miles from this place, where parents dwell, Each of us thinks he hears a bell; And what we're hast’ning home for—well, Let's see if you can guess it! A BACHELOR, “* Father, what ’s a bachelor?” A bachelor is a man who could never in- fluence the right girl to encourage him to marry her.”” APPROACH OF THE DREADNOUGHT.