Judge — June 18, 1910 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PROVERBS FOR GRADUATES. By CHARLES IRVIN JUNKIN WISE old world remembereth that it was once young, and forgiveth much to the fresh and the but the seventy-times-seven ticket is good only for the campus. A song and dance blinds a soft dad, and a bluff goes with the good old girl at home; but an unsentimental world demands the real thing. A happy childhood and the memory of un- dergraduate days at ‘* Old College’ make even a bankrupt baldhead to believe that life is something more than a vale of tears. The curriculum is a guarantee of instruc- tion, and the diploma certifies to vast knowl- edge; but beyond the pillars of graduation there is still a littie to learn. The directors are a bit particular in select- ing a bank president, and the captains of in- dustry cranky about their lieutenants; but the trolley companies are quick to locate genius on the platforms. To scan “‘ Arma virumque cano’’ develops the brain, and to recite ‘‘ Lydia dic’’ polishes the esthetics; but it takes considerable horse sense to handle Yiddish or Stock Exchange talk. All the world loves a graduate, but mun- dane feet wax cold if the grad dues not saw wood to keep the fire burning. The academic curriculum is something of a Parlor-Car-Chicago-Limited, but the fast freight und the gravel train run on the same road and do not a little busi- ness, The man of college breed- QBAKER: ing owes much to his alma ma- 5 ter, and more to the world, and yet more to himself. stree| THE SWEET GIRL GRADU- ATE. A SMOKER'S ESTATE. SEE Stubbs's will been filed.”” “ Why, did he leave an es- tate?” “Yes; one thousand to- bacco coupons.”* has THE MAN HIGHER UP. i ROSE is red, The violet blue, Sugar is sweet, But who is who? A VALUABLE DISCOVERY. Professor Orel (examining golf ball) —'* This is certai the Society of Ornithological Research, brother Crow. “LOW BRIDGE!" P going in for swimming. BLASTS FROM THE METROPOLITAN MEGAPHONE. By ROY kK. MOULTON HE five p.m. edition of the Evening Howl was two hours late last Thursday, and didn’t get on the t until nearly eleven a, m. There is said to be a good opening for a newspaper in this village. The best opening for a good many newspapers is a fireplace. It is said some of our society women are Well, what should they go infor? Not for drowning, let us hope. All of the flighty persons do not live in our effete metropolis. There are Wilbur and Or- ville Wright, of Dayton, O., for instance. The press agent for ‘Salome’ has cer- tainly got a snap. All he has got todo to describe his show is to tell the naked truth. About the only thing not quoted on the Stock Exchange these days is Big Bill Devery. Bill's delivery is evidently too erratic. Where there’s a will there’s a way— to break it. Just before the funeral of Mr. Addison Jones, our eminent captain of in- dustry. two of the titled sons-in-law got into a fist fight, during which the late la- mented was considerably upset and mussed up. MOTHER GOOSE. (Who wit! please patton.) LITTLE Jack Horner sat in a corner, Piled up with cushions high; He stole him a kiss from a most charming miss, And exclaimed, ‘‘ What a great buy am I!"* NOTABLE EXCEPTION TO THE RULE. Knicker—' It is said that you can keep a donkey from braying by attaching a weight to its tail.’” Bocker—'* Nonsense! The Democratic donkey has had Bryan tied to it for twelve years, and brays loud as ever.”” GNA BODY meet a body, With a flask o’ rye, Need a body tell a body “Sir, my vote is dry! TEMPERANCE ERONAUTS should not tumble twice out of the same sky. inly a case for Must be a ae: 1910. ‘LOW AEROPLANE!” comicbooks.com