Judge, 1910-05-28 · page 6 of 16
Judge — May 28, 1910 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several humor pieces reflecting early 20th-century American life: **"Too Much for Tommie"** satirizes poverty and class anxiety. A poor boy is devastated discovering he must wear his father's old whiskers—a humiliating mark of family poverty. The joke hinges on Depression-era shame about hand-me-downs. **"Love of a Maid"** mocks romantic idealism versus mercenary marriage reality. While he sighs about hearts beating as one, she unmoved wants his wallet—reflecting cynicism about women's matrimonial motivations. **"Notes from Basswood Bugle"** offers rural Americana humor: mounted police ("stuffed and mounted"), plain-clothes women not existing, and a feud-belt family where even the boy needs a gun because family members monopolize the weapons. **"Captain Fibb's Yarns"** parodies tall-tale fisherman stories—improbable adventures (waterspout rescue, mutineers) told with exaggerated dialect and ridiculous coincidences, lampooning travelers' outlandish boasting. The tone throughout is gentle mockery of American social pretense, poverty, and rural eccentricity.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE TOO MUCH FOR TOMMIE. (TOMMIE had always had to wear his father's old clothes, yet no one knew just how badly he felt, till one day he was found out behind the barn. Between broken sobs it all came out. ‘* Pa’s gone and shaved off clean, and now I know I'll have to wear his old red whiskers !"’ LOVE OF A MAID. By ESTELLE MAY NOLTE. REATHES there a man with soul so dead Who never to himself has said, “This is my own sweetheart dear! Whose heart has not been ed with pride To see this maiden by his side, To have, to hold, forever He (sighing)—* Would that both our hearts beat as one!"” She (unmoved) —"* Would that mine beat as won!”’ there— Who will belong to him for keeps— And search his pockets while he sleeps? HE REASON why so many women fail to get bargains in the matrimonial market is that they can’t go shopping for husbands, NOTES FROM THE BASSWOOD BUGLE. by ROY K. MOULTON. USHROD BIBBINS says the last time he was down to New York he see a mounted policeman, and Hank Purdy says that’s what they all ought to be—stuffed and mounted. Bushrod also says he saw some plain-clothes men on Fifth Avenue, but no plain-clothes women, Hard times have struck Hiram Spink, and he says if he should run his meal ticket through a pianola now, it would play a dang lively tune. The dogs of war are loose in Peru, and we shall prob- ably soon hear the Peruvian bark that is so famous. A Chicago woman won a prize of one hundred dollars for cookin’ a meatless dinner and can now afford to cook The =! | | \ fl: IN THE FEUD BELT. Gunsmith—"* What does a little runt like you want with a revolver ?"” Boy—“' Well, ma's got the shotgun, pop 's got the rifle ‘one with meat. Bill's got the carbine, and I''m not goin’ to let 'em catch me THE YARNS OF CAPTAIN FIBB. id big. brother 1, “"Twuz when I wuz captain of the Polly Ann, I waz a-settin’ on the poop deck one calm summer day sunnin’ meself and thinkin of home and fambly, —— 4, — Jist then I looks around and I sees a ter'ble waterspout a-comin’ toward me! — 2. —— when all of a suddent I wuz pushed from behind, and as I shoots toward the briny I sees that ‘twuz the two mutineers, One-eyed Ike and Spike Marlin ! —- 3, —— Well, there wuz no help fer me. The ship scuds on ‘under full sail, and I hears the two murderers laughin’ in fiendish glee as I wuz slowly drownin'-— 5S. —— And the next minnit it caught me up and whirled me ‘round and ‘round till I wuz high in the air, then down I flops right in the midst of the flabbergasted mutineers. — 6, —— Of course, then I clapped 'em in irons, and has no more trouble the rest of the v'yage. Yes sir, that wuz a lucky waterspout fer me, or I'd never be bere to tell the tale.”