Judge — May 14, 1910 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE i THE ALPHABET OF NOTES FROM THE BASSWOOD BUGLE. BASEBALL FANS. By ROY K. MOULTON. A\ ea RSE LMER JENKINS has been down to New York and he cess see “‘ The Fortune Hunter,”” which he says is a good show and a good take-off; but the best take-off he ever see was a show called ‘‘ Salome. Ame Hilliker, our groceryman, sold Uncle Pete Tim- mins a wooden ham by mistake the other day, and as Uncle Pete is nearsighted and his teeth ain't what they used to be, he didn’t notice the difference either, only that he said the fiber of the meat seemed kind of coarse. Ame said it was a cured ham, and Uncle Pete made him knock off two shillin’ on it, claimin’ that a ham that had CATCHER ARCHER been sick wasn’t wuth as much as one that never had to CHICAGO NATIONALS _ be cured of anything. , Anse Tilson says he would like to meet Bill Taft, but he has got so many other bills to meet that he will hardly be able to make it. One good thing about eatin’ spaghetti. A feller always has somethin’ comin When the honorary pallbearers have to sit and peel Here to-day and onions durin’ the funeral in order to shed a few tears, it gone to-morrow must be taken for granted that they have had some —a cook. dealin’s with the late deceased on the Stock Exchange. Archer > plays with the ~ Cubs" that day, aie THE HOMESEEKERS.” HYPERBOLE. By CHESTON SYER J#MY JONES and Sister Sue are two young things like me and you, but mother says they're quite too old to be so prone to hyperbole. Now I don’t know what that means, but I know Sue ain't like no queens, and that she is a story-telling thing when she says Jim is every inch aking. And the other night I heard Sue say, in her mealy, mushy, gushy way, ‘I'd die, Jim, lay right down and die, if you so much as winked an eye at some other girl."? But when Jim's away and Jack comes round, it’s the same old story and the same old sound. Now I ain't been told what it means to hyperbole, but, somehow, I don't know why, I think it means a great big lie. WITHOUT A DOUBT. By LovIS SCHNEIDER, HEN the stars above dance ragtime and the moon's dark blue, And your knees are weak and wobbly and your head goes “* Woo-00!"” When the lamp-posts wriggle and the church spires sway, And crickets sound like calliopes about a mile away— You're due to cut the highballs, the cocktails, and the beer, TAKING HIS OWN MEDICINE. Eye openers, and nighteaps, and all that kind of 1. * Doctor, do you think I' ll ever die of heart failure ?”* cheer. ; +h, no. With a thin, scrawny neck like that, those exaggerated square You'd better go and take the cure, or else, with- f , thick, red lips ""— shoulders, nice, healthy fat nose, thicl ips The snakes'll surely get you if you Don't Watch Out! “OH, YE OF LITTLE FAITH!" Anzious customer—‘Are you sure that you have that medi- cine mixed right?” Druggist— No, 1 am not; but I’ve got it mixed the way the doctor ordered it.” N OPTIMIST is a man we like to hear talk, but with the pessimist, if there is any talking to be done, we want to do it ourselves. 2 “ Well, doctor, you ain't no beauty yourself."* comicbooks.com