Judge — May 14, 1910 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

i THE CYNIC’S EXAMINATION PAPERS FOR EVERYBODY. by RW. SNEDDON MAN FROM MARS. GIVE in as few words as possib! * point out our animal deficiencies as compared with your rea of beautiful mental Tr 2. Asyou have, no doubt, felt that the force of our gravity is more than you could bear, what humorous paper would you suggest for perusal a3 a suitable antidote ; 3. Describe the prevailing externals of the three principal divisions of the terrestrials—(a) the trousered, (b) the skirted, (c) the unskirted, y how they may be distinguished at a distance dancers or gyrators—an¢ of one opera-glass sp: ne 4. Compare the teguments of the trousered or bifurcates, called men, feasible explanation for their with those of your own world, and offer ai use apart from their appeal to the artistic eye. Explain why shaped. “WORK, FOR THE KNIGHT IS COMING.” 6. Discuss the methods in vogue among the terrestrials for the nourishing of the vital spark, and describe the mirrored temples in which they hold their orgies. To what doctrine do you attribute the enforced rule of furious consumption? Are those who use the knife—that weapon which has keen edges, but no prongs—of a higher order or a lesser? Describe the manner of its usage without hurt to the mouth. 7. Describe the ethics of those black-clothed, white-breasted gods who exact toll from those who are fain to eat, and explain the origin of their name of waiters. 8. What gods are those who stand at the por- tals of the geeat halls of pleasure, holding in their hands foolish bunches of green paper and little pieces of cardboard? How would you propitiate them with sweet words so that you might gain en- trance to the arcana of Thespis or Terpsichore? Do you believe that they are but brothers of the lesser gods within, who ostensibly own the halls of pleasure? What is the function of the great god Public, who is supposed to be all powerful over those JUDGE your opinion of us as hosts, and zation the head end of the truncates should be so much larger than that of the so-called stronger sex, and why they are becoming cone- navigation _ A QUESTION. Dockstander—* What do you call that—nautical or aeriat nature is at work to produce on the first division of each week an enormously increased output of the same pulp, partly in humorous coloring? State your views on the truth of the statement that certain of the bifurcates and the truncates earn their daily supply of animalism by the transference of their intellectual storm waves to these same heaps. 10. Explain the significance of those compact bundles of paper, impressed with images of the truncates, which are on sale in the warehouses under the title of ‘* Bestseller.” How do you account for the gaining of wealth by certain creatures of the lion tri +t in appearance like men, who are termed authors? What isa publisher? How many horns has a humorist ard what is the manner of his habits? May he be seen of the commons without moving them to tears? 11, What is that thing called wealth? Do you find anything strange in the fact that certain heaps of paper and pieces of a metallic substance kept in a cage entitle certain of us to hold high sway over our fellows? And that the placing of the term duke in front of one's name gives one an exclusive right to the use of the elevator to the pinnacle of superiority? 12. Describe the symptoms, as noted by you, of that strange disease which ravages among us, coming to full force in the early months of the year, and sparing neither sex, Why should it provoke into existence certain butterfly creatures called poets and certain honest grubs called ve fiers? What reason have you for stating that it rules the world, and do you esteem it a thing worthy of transplanta- tion to your own globe? What are the coratituents of its antidotes, poverty and class, and what is the method of dis- pensing with them? 13. What is a temple of justice? Distinguish it from (BOSH: MY HOW ABSURD | AY PICTURE HAIR NEVER TM_NOT TALL Loos UKE ALL LIKE THAT HAT. HOW STRANGE: fy "Go00 OF BUT ITS Geen oF You AL THE REST) = — (A feat) (THE IDEA of (Parent, ME Loony oF |/UKe. AN (ME /owe: rars) A’ srinon X ares a e oo Ey \ DOUBLE CHIN \ ¢ ME OF now) fi mevir) au mY) ARMS lesser ones? Does he ever prevail over the proprietary gods? Quote any instan- ces of his having done so in New York. 9. What do you think is the explana- tion of the great heaps of a thin white substance, impressed with black spots of varying size and exclamation marks, which men carry about with them morn- ing, noon, and night? What process of “IT'S GOOD OF EVERY ONE BUT ME,” comicbooks.com