Judge — May 7, 1910 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHEN T. R. MEETS KAISER WILHELM By Mc LANDBURGH WILSON. IRST, Wilhelm will start with an army review, Drawn up on a smooth rolling plain, And T. R. will give him in ten million words My regiment's conquest of Spain, Then Wilhelm an orchestra hig will con- duct In manner exceedingly slick, FOR THE “ BACK NUMBER." fy ROSCOE GILMORE STOTT. NDIANA, Indiana! Land of bard and red bandana; State of corn that lifts the prizes, Politicians ("most all sizes), Fairest maids and greenest fellers, Men who write the “six best sellers "’; Land where Kern grew tall and slim— Say, don’t you remember him? Indiana, Indiana! And T. R. will follow by showing the ~ way A person should wield the big stick. "Tis certain that Wilhelm a sermon will preach, While T. R. will tell how it feels At last to discover the Decalogue old On nothing but banquets for meals. Fierce deer and dread rabbits and man- eating birds Will fall ina faunal affray, And babies and frazzles and bully and hoch Will fill up the gaps of the day. Their autographed photographs they will exchange, And part with their souls all attune; The dachshund will laugh to observe such a sight, That the cow will jump over the moon. | HE HAD TO SHOW HER. ACOBSTINE, the tailor, advertised in the fol- lowing manner: “ Wanted—A girl tosew on vests."" One of the answers read, “Send me your photo- graph. If you look good to me I’ll sew on all your clothes. Lena Oversmart.”” S$ @ “NAP” SIMILAR. HOOSE you wives The The same as knives, For, idem semper, Be sure of their temper. ‘ys "Twas in the final inning. pal. “Naps RIETY is the spice of lies. NO STAGE FRIGHT THEN. “Dp! you were rehearsing the play?” asks the jealous fiancé of the beauteous girl who has just appeared in an ama- teur drama for charity. “No, indeed!" she replies earnestly. “‘At the rehearsals he wasn’t a bit nervous,” ethers wil thn tes. Winsow’s Soot 3) the best remedy for their childrens ‘25ea bottle, AFTER ROSTAND. E ALWAYS called her ‘‘ ducky dove,” And life was ever pleasant, Until an end came to their love— He met a blonde hen pheasant. Soares OF THE CLEVELANDS. With "Mullin bornine up the Ob! fate seemed far trom But Larry gave a koowin ‘Then stung the bal It cleared the fence—two Faas carve bene ‘That ball is going yet. ' D HE kiss you that way when | WHEN the first baby came to gladden State that lauds her Booth T. | Dotes on Ade, and worships Riley, Chides her native, Doctor Wiley; Land where Kern once wrought with vim— Say, don't you remember him? Dear old, queer old Indiana! State where summer breezes fan a Land thick-set with countless trolleys; Home of Thomas Taggart’s follies; State where Beveridge and Shively Keep the kettle boiling lively, And where Kern with visage grim— Say, don't you remember him? Every lover of a good cocktail should insist that | Abbots Bitters be used in making it; insures your getting the very 'T SEEMS funny, but the early bird very seldom catches the hookworm. HOOTS OF A WISE OWL. ONE good way to get in| {2 wrong is to begin by | kr telling a little woman that she is “ cute.”” One satisfying thing is that the fool who rocks the airship will get his good and plenty. It is not the man behind the’ gun, but the man be- hind the bun who is caus- ing most of the excitement in our large cities recently. An Eastern scientist says love isa disease. It is mighty catching, but matrimony is often a cure, hnwans = LAJOIE, * were ope be- A, B, C, D, ETC. By WILLIAM J. LAMPTON, the home of the young professor of Greek ina certainWestern college it was, by mutual consent, named Alpha. Natu- rally the second should be Beta, and so it was. After three or four or five glad- deners of the family had come, the happy father named the latest Omega. It may have been as a hint, or it may not. In jany event the end was not yet, and the next to come were twins. ‘The pro- | fessor was put to it for appropriate ti- \tles. Alpha, who was now old enough to enter into the family council, came to the rescue. “I know, papa,” she ventured, after | | much discussion, ** let ’s call them And | so forth.” 1, Mr. R., whose charming residence on the Portsmouth Road was uninhabitable on account of the motor dust, — TRY A NTER HIGH-BALL A REFRESHING, SATISFYING, INVIGORATING BEVERAGE AT ALL SEASONS Weal PATENTS PRODUCE FORTUNES = = ince for patents, Book on patents. Hints to Inseat: Decorate | | Your, Home PICTURES | BY FAMOUS ARTISTS Ten Cents Will Bring Illustrated Catalogue ‘0 You A all arat-class cates and by Jobers, LANAUAN & SON, Baltimore, Ds @ SUE win will double your Explains the se- Bae ret of setting tips and from customers. How to,put it over them in hatel and depot shops. How to hold your trade and make @ success of the business. How to take advantage of the long hours. The secret of honing that will put a emooth and easy cutting edge on your razors every time. Why bar- ra become discouraged with the trade, ete. Particu- fare free, WW. WINTERS, 115 Dearborn St.. Room 312 chicago, I Leslie-Judge Co., 225 Fifth Avenue NEW YORK CITY 2, —— bas rid himeelf of the nuisance by a simple and inexpensive device, London Punch. A RUSE THAT WORKED. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com