Judge — April 9, 1910 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE SETTIN’., FARMER was sawing wood, when it occurred to him that he ought to have the help of one or more of his five boys. Lifting up his voice, he called, but not a boy appeared. At dinner, of course, they all appeared, and it was not necessary to call them. “* Where were you all about two hours ago, when I wanted you and shouted for you?" “Twas in the shop, settin’ the saw, ‘And I was in the barn, settin’ a hen, second, “1 was in gran'ma’s room, settin’ the clock,’’ said the third, “Twas in the garret, settin’ the trap,’ said the fourth, “* You are a remarkable set!" remarked the farm- er. ‘And where were you?" he continued, turning to the youngest. “was on the doorstep, settin’ still." said one. " said the APPETIZING. Some authors have a saving sense of humor that Guest —"" L ve just swallowed a hair!" z é Waiter—"* Well, sir, that ought to tickle your palate, sir.” does not add much to thelr bank account. ACCORDING TO THE MAGAZINES. DEFINED. By CHARLES IRVIN JUNKIS Pireiahade~ H, LAND of the free! Oh, home of the brave! ss What j Hark to the cry of dismay! What fa the Hall The end is at hand, for we're losing our sand— Or that’s what the magazines say! of Fame?” Second shade— ‘*An apartment Our business is crooked and ugly and mean, House With Cos Controlled by a handful of crooks, Who cornered the earth with benevolent smile many janitors."* And hold it with merciless hooks. Our forests are gone, and the land, and the coal, PERPETUAL. Our liberty flittered away, Howell—* He i And we are but slaves of a new-fashioned kind— OWE ed Or that's what the magazines say! one of our city fa The government's rotten, and owned by the trusts, MO As cnamvonty—> And truly a matter for jest, \Aaddls gametes ale A thing to deride when we talk on the side, has been in office so And almost a nuisance and pest. long that he might The Senate is naught but a plutocrat club, be considered a city HE SAW TOO LATE, Or that's what the magazines say ! se P aie THE DIFFERENCE. Our schools are a fake and unworthy the name, rietekex nya °y And the children are drawing the blank: Ravete Taye Our colleges, false to tradition and trust, Are turning out skeptics and cranks. The preachers are lazy and vapid and dull, heads."? Pretending to preach and to pray ; Backee NGA owt The doctors and lawyers are plucking the geese-— o Or that's what the magazines say! goes over hate. Our literature is a feeble affair, HIS WAY OF POPPING. Our music is little but trash; Mike’dé Sigle= "A The theater’s rank and indecent and bad, SUAS GE EYE am I the first girl you ever And sold to dishonor for cash. , The press is a brute, and it’s muzzled at that, loved?” AR. aEEVERY CLOUD HAS And nobody cares for its bray; Mr. Gunbusta—* No; Gh 4 A SILVER LINING: And the people are asses and easily fooled— os = Or that's what the magazines say ! but I hope you'll be the olden time’ a sermon came under half a dozen last."" oi The microbes are biting us all in the neck, Bacilli are chewing inside, A LITTLE SCHE! The hookworm is eating up millions at once, OF HERS. And killing our national pride. area tel The workers are lazy and weary of toil, Bile" Why. d9.you ‘And greedy for muchness of pay; But the capital bug got away with the lunch— first name?"” Or that's what the magazines say! Stella—"1 want to Oh, land of the free! Oh, home of the brave! encourage him to help 9, e Art weary of raking the muck? me get rid of my last «Get on an airship Then lift up your eyes to the blue in the skies name" And whistle a bit for good luck ! . and catch a cloud. For good Uncle Sam is an honest old boy, fie Fvontel And he loves the good ‘* man with the hoe,’? ematelmons & So he'll do about right as he stands in the light— match lights on the And THAT'S what the magazines KNow! money-box nowadays. let him call you by your comicbooks.com