Judge — April 2, 1910 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A REMARKABLE FREAK OF TIME. THERE is perhaps not one person in a thousand that is aware that the present first day of April comes three days later than its ap- pointed time, counting one year from the same day of 1907; or, in other words, that the twenty-ninth of March was, in fact, the first day of April. A similar event occurred in 379 B. C., and not until the year 4311 will a like happening be witnessed again. To the lay mind, such a freak in the variation of time by the heavenly bod is nothing short of mystery. In reality, however, there is nothing mysterious or even remarkable about it. And yet this must not be construed as inferring that the cause of the phenomenon is any the less interesting. So far, indeed, that we herewith quote from ‘* Hotaling’s Astron- omy,’? Volume III., page 247: “Once in every 1,527 years Jupiter and Mars are in confluence with the earth, with Mercury 15 degrees in the lead, and Venus 38 degrees out of opposi- tion. This combined position of the planets throws the rotation of the earth backward 72-9 degrees every twenty- four hours, making a total of three days" loss between January 18th and March 19th. Now, uniting those two dates and combining the result with the radius of Neptune's perihelion—April Fool!” Jupce merely wishes to add that the Fourth of July will in no way be affected by the above. THE PROBLEM OF LIVING SOLVED. S ATOR T er State, is n't worrying because butter is forty-two cents. For “*back home’’ he has a favor- ite cow named Gertrude Wayne, and ‘* thereby hangs a tale.’ Gertrude gives the lacteal fluid to the extent of three hundred quarts a week, and this is ‘‘separated’’ and churned into 26¢ pounds of butter (to be exact, 26.261 pounds), which in turn is converted into $11--good, gold-standard coin, This is no Aladdin's lamp exhibit, but the latest wire from Washington, and suggests an eminently practical method of ridding the closet of the skeleton; or, to use a live figure instead of adead one, to keep the wolf from the door. Living is high, and the trouble is we all think we've got to live. What we growl about is paying so much for the privileg Now, suppose every suburbanite kept a cow. The diversion from the monotonous round of the office afforded by the tender JUDGE ALL FOOLS’ NUMBER PUBLISHED BY LESLIE-JUDGE COMPANY care of the ‘‘ faithful family cow "* would work wonders in his constitution and— frame of mind. Picture the delights of milking by lantern light—morning opera- tion five a. m., mercury four above, every- thing frozen but the milk; evening milk- ing, any old time after dinner is over and the day’s work is done. Don't expect to beat Gertrude Wayne's 3.78 pounds of butter per diem, but be satisfied to supply your own table and sell a couple of pounds to your neighbors each week-—for obvious reasons, a different neighbor each time. Pork chops are high, too; so, if entirely convenient, it might be economy to keep acouple of porkers to take care of the skimmed milk. And the pigs and your pocketbook will arrive at a state of adi- posity together. When resorted to at the proper time of the year, gardening isn't bad exercise, either. Let every one with a patch of soil about his house raise his own pota- toes and vegetables, after the thrifty German custom. Dig up the geraniums, and set out tomato plants and (if you haven't already been taken in) Burbank’s “*Wonderberries'’ in their place. To come right to the point, every loyal fam- ily man has got to supply the larder him- self, without running to the grocer man and butcher, It is what we are coming to, rich and poor alike, if we are to con- tinue to live in this benighted land. And you can cut out cold-storage hen fruit, too, even if you are not a suburbanite. Raise your own hens, and lay your own Hen experts say you can make 04 a year out of chickens on ten square feet of the cemented backyard of an apartment house, And it doesn’t take any work, or require any time, or call for any chicken sense, either. So get busy, you folks who have a ‘‘grouch’’ with high living. Anything to increase suppliers and decrease demanders saves the nation. This is a pretty stiff program? So it is, but prices are stiff. Take your choice. 'HE law has decided that a woman has a right to go through her husband's pockets. Judging from the size of said pockets, ‘His Honor’? should think a wo- man would feel mighty small after taking the tri NATURAL RESOURCES—“* WATER-POW comicbooks.com